Make Fear your Frenemy: Is fear protecting you or holding you back?
It wakes you in the middle of the night, causes you stress and possibly frown lines -
yet it can also put you on course for success. Take on fear with these thoughts from wellness expert Dr. Susan Biali.
Life coach, author, speaker and flamenco dancer, Biali leads a fearless life divided between Vancouver and Los Cabos. A student of health and wellness for nearly two decades, Biali has worked with mompreneurs of every variety, from single mothers to families with two entrepreneurial parents and small children, to those who have successfully become the primary breadwinner because their partner lost their job.
Do women experience a different type of fear from other entrepreneurs?
“A wife and mother often feels more apprehensive about things like fulfilling her own dreams or her own project if that feels like it will give her less time with her kids.”
“Since the fear stakes can often be higher for mothers contemplating a big change, it’s especially important to be able to distinguish between fear that should be heeded, and the kind that needs a firm kick to the curb.
How do you ‘calibrate your fear compass’ and make that distinction?
“Look back on your experiences and remember how you felt. I remember signing a mortgage and feeling literally sick with fear, feeling ill like I just wanted to walk out of there, and I should have because it turned out to be a very big mistake.”
“But, on the other side, when I decided to move to Mexico to build my dance company and write, it was a different feeling. Inside me, under all that fear and worry and chatter in my mind, I felt I had to do it or I would regret it for the rest of my life. That kind of fear is as if that inner voice is saying ‘oh, this is scary – but what if it worked?’
“Once you’ve made the decision to start, the best fear-buster is taking those steps, even the tiniest ones, remaining open to what happens, and remembering it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.”
“Find ways to begin.”
How can I do that right now?
Listen in.
“One client has a wonderful idea without much of a startup cost. She and her husband have both lost their jobs. So she is soaking in free teleseminars with some of the greatest minds, no flying, no hotel to pay…I learned so much about getting publicity from teleseminars and got into Self magazine, on MSNBC, completely for free.”
Network – even in your slippers.
“Networking is huge. You may decide that it’s not the time, but start now and, by the time you do make the leap, you’ll be set up with connections. When you’re feeling afraid and on your own, it really helps to bring in positive stories of support. And you can learn how they dealt with similar situations. Network with virtual communities such as MOMeo.”
Unleash the power of the Net.
“There are so many ways entrepreneurs can reach the world with the touch of a button. Tim Ferris’ The Four Hour Workweek is perfect for moms and talks about setting up online businesses, testing products, outsourcing, and more. Take advantage of Twitter and Facebook.”
Make it a team effort.
“One of my friends, a physician, wrote a book while breastfeeding, with one hand! When it was time to edit, her family agreed she would not be cooking dinner until it was done. Ask for that support for your dream, but make sure you give support back when it’s time.”
Do mompreneurs have any inherent advantages?
Biali says mompreneurs may even have an edge when it comes to fighting fear – their proximity to the ultimate perspective-shifters, those tiny coaches known as children:
“One client, a very busy single mom, discovered that hanging out and playing with her daughter cleared her head and unplugged her creativity like nothing else…real stress relief!”
“So get outside and play with them. Don’t feel guilty…playtime is not only important to your kids, it makes you more effective and productive.”
Additionally, Biali notes that moms have ways of finding those moments…like listening to CDs while driving kids all over town.
What about those clanging chimes of economic doom that seem increasingly hard to mute?
“I believe in the primary rule that, if you solve a problem for people, a real problem, you will always have business no matter what. So you go to work finding out if what you want to do.”
“We have so much at our disposal, tools like surveys and newsletter programs, things that would have cost tens of thousands of dollars in the past.”
Should you ever listen to your fear and back down?
“I don’t think [telling someone] that would be my role, unless it seemed to have a clearly disastrous effect on their home life or health. You never know what’s going to be waiting at the end of an experience.
“It may not work out as you’d hoped, but you may learn something absolutely priceless or meet someone who helps you do it better the next time.”
A student of entrepreneurship and success stories, Biali has noticed that “success often lies on the other side of failure – people who have what may seem to be the craziest ideas that ‘will never work’ end up being the visionaries.”
Any last words of wisdom?
“Know that you don’t have to be in a huge rush. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you aren’t exactly following your timeline. Do what you can – and try replacing that fear with love.”
Dr. Susan Biali, M.D. is an internationally recognized medical doctor, wellness expert, life coach, and flamenco dancer. She has performed for and taught celebrities, and speaks and dances across North America. She blogs for PsychologyToday.com and her opinions appear in international media such as FoxNews, MSNBC, Self Magazine, Cosmopolitan Magazine, and The Chicago Tribune. Her book, Live a Life You Love: 7 Steps to a Healthier, Happier, More Passionate You, has just been released.
An hour alone! Now what?
Your client is stuck in traffic. You scheduled the sitter for the wrong day. Your 3:00 call just bailed.
Excellent!
Beyond heading for bed, here are 10 ideas to keep at the ready for the next time someone gives you the gift of time.
1. St. Bart’s in a Booth. The spray tan application process can be a little weird (imagine standing in your shower in a John Wayne gunslinger pose while cold jets hit you from unforgiving angles) but duck in for a few minutes and you’ll perk up your look for days.
2. Grocery Tourist. Cruise the aisles of an ethnic grocery store and pretend you’ve left the country. Drink in the sights and the smells. What is that colorfully packaged snack? Who cares! Try it, you’re on vacation!
3. Fizzy Fun. Pick up your favorite frizzy drink, candy and stack of the glossy celeb magazines and head to a quiet place to trash out. Drinking through a straw made by biting off the ends of your red licorice is optional.
4. Pimp Your Ride. As a chauffeur of multitudes, your car is probably not pristine. Get it cleaned. You could do this yourself at one of those drive-up car wash stations, but that makes it harder to have that well-earned mini-meditation.
5. Just Do It. “It” being something you’ve never done. Acupuncture? A new museum? Cocktails at a hotel bar in the middle of the day? Anything goes, as long as it’s new to you.
6. Playdate for One. Head to the playground and swing – or swing that jump rope you should keep in your car for impromptu exercise sessions. Enjoy how this releases your childlike creative spirit – and enjoy not having to mind the real childrenscreaming for their parents’ attention.
7. Go to College. On Open Culture and iTunes you’ll find university lectures on topics from languages to cyberculture. Grab your iPod, sit in a coffee shop while you sip and take notes. Then, when people ask what you’ve been up to, casually throw in “a few classes at Yale.”
8. Book Lunch. Take a table for one at a restaurant that does not serve chicken nuggets and enjoy reading a book that has nothing to do with child rearing, business, or self-improvement.
9. Get Sketchy. Set up wherever you find yourself and start drawing. Could be a portrait, could be a cool building, could be the wrappers that just fell out of your purse. You don’t need more than a regular pencil and some recycled copy paper, although a beret is always jaunty.
10. Do-Gooder. This may take some advance planning, but you can lay the groundwork now. Whether you give blood, visit a nursing home, or help the overworked librarian shelve for an hour, you’ll go away with a refreshed glow that even tops the spray tan.
Vintage Cool for your Little One’s Lair
Kate Yandoh
Our children may be our most tangible link to the future, but they’re also a great reason to revisit the past- – at least, in terms of cool, creative design, that is.
Many a lovingly-decorated nursery starts to look like everyone else’s, and baby soon grows old enough to demand a makeover to a “big boy” or “big girl” room on a biannual basis. Use these vintage-inspired ideas to create a space that will not only impress the other Moms in your playgroup, but also give your little one an environment of individuality and style.
One that can grow up stylish along with them.
Let’s start simply with some fun alternatives to spelling out your little one’s name on the wall above their bed:
- Find letters from old signs, such as marquees, and use a collection of different ones with your child’s first initial to make a fun piece of wall art. Check eBay or etsy.
- Hang a vintage baby dress or two on luxe padded hangers. Find one in an antique store or online since your grandmother’s christening gown requires more delicate treatment and less light – although you could shadowbox it.
- Put up a small shelf and top it with vintage wooden blocks that spell out their name (or affirmation of your choosing.)
- Another great source of wall art are vintage kid’s books found at secondhand shops or book sales. Ones with a fair bit of wear are much easier to tear apart and pick out pages you love for a unique display.
- Display the book covers of your (or Grandpa’s ) favorite books in a few inexpensive, same-color frames. Make color copies to preserve the original. If there’s a title where the main character shares your tot’s name, all the more fun.
- A box of vintage flash cards can also look great if you string them up with clothespins or other clips and mount as seen here:
Ready for more?
The more ambitious might consider:
- Vintage wallpaper borders are another way to inject some flair.
- Consider getting away from the soft, Easter-Egg palettes and involve older kids in choosing a paint color they really love. We love how Oscar’s room color is a great match for a great mix of vintage toys and furnishings:
- Take the classic themes for rooms – like tea parties, princesses, Wild West, or fire station – and do it with vintage and vintage-inspired accents for something more unique than the Technicolor cartoon extravaganzas you can get anywhere.
- Up the comfort and style of the floor by adding a modern interpretation of the shag rug called a frieze.
- It doesn’t hurt that this Mom is an artist who also sells gorgeous animal alphabet prints with a vintage feel:
- Generally inexpensive and increasingly ‘in,” this type of carpeting is rough and ready with a hint of Austin Powers/Brady Bunch nostalgia. You could also try a small flokati area rug for older kids.
- Find or make pillows with vintage fabric, easy accents that are easy to change out.
- Try out vintage-inspired wallpaper on one wall as accent (especially good if the pattern you love is somewhat busy.)
- An adorable addition to a bookcase: a photo each of Mom and Dad as little kids (choose shots where you are around the same age) set side-by-side in retro frames.
- In one of her very best “Why Don’t You?” columns, Style icon Diana Vreeland suggested “why don’t you paint a map on all four walls of your [children’s] nursery so they don’t grow up with a provincial point of view?” While paint may be more than you want to tackle, there are great vintage-looking world map murals to be found online. My parents collected old National Geographic maps, applied with wallpaper paste.
- Vintage suitcases look very cool stacked at the foot of a bed or near a desk and are great places to store kids’ collections.
- Use your or family collections like these adorable marionettes:
Feeling inspired? Start clicking! Here are some of our favorite sites for ideas and purchases:
Babygoesvintage.com
Etsy.com
Highstreetmarket.blogspot.com
Ohdeedoh.com
Spearmintbaby.com
Warmbiscuit.com
Vintagechildrensbooksmykidloves.com
Have fun and send us some pictures!
Vintage Treasures for a Home Chic Home
By Kate Yandoh
Does your home environment make you yawn? Searching for something you can’t find at the mall? Or have you been watching too much “Mad Men?”
Not to fear. Stylish MOMeos know the best update for the future can be found by shopping in the past. We’ll show you how to add vintage flair to your home enjoyably and easily.
The first rule is to start small. Instead of decking out your whole living room as a ‘60s den, try a couple bookends and a funky side table. Or, choose the smallest room in your house, such as a powder room or home office, and add accents such as a chandelier – or even something as small as drawer pulls or switch plates.
Then, think about what appeals to you. Do you love birds, muted colors, Scandinavian styles, or clean lines? Not sure? Luckily, adding some vintage is a perfect way to experiment without spending a lot or making a huge commitment.
You don’t have to choose one era and go full out. In fact, according to Mina Ortiz of Bohemian Vintage, a more eclectic approach makes rooms look fresher:
“With bohemian style, everything goes. A ‘60s lamp can sit on a cottage shabby table and work beautifully.”
If you like a piece, but it’s the kind of dark wood doesn’t appeal, Ortiz advises breaking out the paint: “it’s simple and transformative. Try white, teal, or baby yellow.”
Mackenzie Sullivan, founder of I’m Still Me kids’ products, grew up with vintage thanks to her antique dealer mother and treasures her mix of “a marble top table with a French base and the American country blanket chest that now serves as my coffee table…with two kids I want to make sure everything can be easily lived in and, abused! The good thing about antiques is, the more scratches and dents, the more character.”
Ready to shop? You don’t have to get up from your keyboard – our picks below are all on etsy.com. Should they be sold out, the site is super-easy to search. Or use these as a guide for your own foraging in flea markets, yard sales, eBay, or even the recycling area of your town dump (a secret vintage mavens have kept to themselves until now!)
Sublimely 70’s
Roll out the barrel and hang this “rec room” chandelier in the guest bath or office:
bold graphic pillows give your neutral sofa a fast infusion of style, and you can change them in a flash.
Bonus: babies and kids will dig the vivid pattern!
Switch plates are a fun way to switch up a room. Even the least handy person can install these:
Cottage Charm
Drawer pulls give your regular standard pieces some vintage ooh-la-la.
Warm up a room with this sweet tin roof sign (you can have it customized):
A vintage frame adds a ladylike note – and it’s even more fun when you ‘vintage’ a picture of your loved ones (try it on iPhoto, Photoshop, or the super-simple Bakumatsu Koshashin Generator.)
City Chic
Let these red sconces rev up your kitchen or dining room.
Notes to self: “look amazing” in this vintage frame.
Put a literate dash of vintage on your fridge or on your file cabinet.
Mid-century Modern
A delicious resting place for fruit, bread, holiday ornaments, or even random toys:
A stylish splurge, these stacked ball lamps demonstrate the chic power of pairs.
Celebrate the early days of TV with these sweet (and cheap) shakers.
But, What About the Children?
You’re never too young vintage. Next column, we’ll show you looks for kids and their rooms that will make them the style leaders of their playgroups. In the meantime, here’s something for your little darling:
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- I love that @AlyPain tells it like it is --> STOP Blaming Your Children - Why YOUR Failure Isn't THEIR Fault - http://t.co/LPo51mgI
- Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says, "Make me feel important." ~Mary Kay Ash
