Parenting 101: “Mommy…I’m B-O-R-E-D!” – How to Handle Holiday Boredom
Whether it is mid-winter break, a holiday or simply a weekend off, many moms find themselves trying to figure out how to avoid those dreaded words: “Mom, I’m bored!”
It happens when the fact that there’s no homework, papers to write or assignments to turn in is no longer a novelty. As a working mom, you have done your best to plan great activities, play dates and maybe even trips to the Children’s Museum. Yet, your kids complaining meter is on an all-time high!
4 Ways to Handle the Holiday Boredom for a Stress-Free Holiday Break
#1: Prepare ahead of time
That doesn’t mean signing them up for more and different activities, but rather getting yourself prepared for what you know is coming. You know your kids better than anyone, so you know if they are easily entertained or if they are singing the perennial “I am bored” chorus.
Be prepared with a standard answer that conveys your decision to allow them to get creative and find ways to have fun without your intervention at every step. It’s perfectly okay to say something like, “Wow. That stinks that you are bored. I wonder what you can do about it.” or “The great thing is that being bored is a choice.”
#2: Keep calm and cool
It’s hard not to get frustrated after you have spent hours coordinating (and paying!) for play dates, swim lessons or activities the local YMCA.
Do your best to remain cool and avoid lecturing them about how they are not showing gratitude about everything you are doing for them. Engaging in pointless arguments will only frustrate you and guarantee a lot of unnecessary power struggles.
#3: Allow for some quiet, doing nothing time
The pressure to have our children signed up and involved in every activity our schedule and budget allows implies that our kids can’t or shouldn’t learn to enjoy the benefits of quiet, slow time.
For example, what a great opportunity to invite them to participate in activities that allow for their reading skills to prepare them for the upcoming school year.
Playing simple games like Jax or Pick-up sticks with some neighbors, although not technological in nature, are great games to develop dexterity and hand-eye coordination, all while enjoying some quiet, down-time
#4: Think of yourself too!
Create memories by making sure your kids have something to do but that don’t end up making you feeling exhausted and overextended.
Find things that work for everyone involved, not just the stuff that your kids like. By showing them how you take care of yourself and choosing time to do things that nourish your heart, you model a great example of self-care that they will carry their whole life.
Our time with our kids is all about creating memories. Make sure that yours and your children are great memories that will last a lifetime!
Want more tips on putting soul back into your parenting? Visit Soulful Parent Sandra Huber online at www.thesoulfulparent.com or join her Facebook Fan Page at www.facebook.com/thesoulfulparent
Parenting 101: Got a Severe Case of Don’t-itis? How to Discipline Your Kids Without Always Saying NO!
Four letter words are not the only ones dreaded in communication with our children. There’s the infamous “No!” Kids hate to hear it, and more often than not, you hate to say it.
Is there another way to guide our children and be in charge without saying, “No” or “Don’t” all the time?
If you suffer from an acute case of don’t-itis and find yourself telling your child “Don’t do this” or “Don’t do that” all the time, your child may eventually tune you out, lash out or completely ignore the words. Plus the more we use the word “No” on our kids, the more our kids will use the word back to us in response to our requests.
The Problem with Saying “No” All the Time
The reality is when “No” is said too often, it begins to lose its meaning and effectiveness. It’s very much like crying wolf. The purpose of discipline is to take the opportunities our children give us to teach them consequences, self-control and responsibility. Discipline goes way beyond stopping our children from doing something we don’t’ want them to do: it connects us with our children as we teach them how to navigate the world safely.
Using a positive approach that limits the use of the word “No” or “Don’t” from our interactions with our kids requires a great deal of self-discipline, creativity and patience. Purposely and effectively changing the way we talk to our children is a skill that will pay off huge dividends in our relationship with our children.
It’s important to remember than being positive and having a different approach doesn’t mean being permissive or neglectful. By choosing your words carefully, you and your family will enjoy more harmony and more respect as you navigate through the bumpy road of raising children consciously!
5 Ways to Avoid a Severe Outbreak of Don’t-itis
#1: Set clear rules/expectations – One of the best places to start is by setting clear expectations, rules and consequences. Make sure your kids understand them and know what happens when the rules are broken.
Even a young child understands the rule: “You hit, you sit” or “Inside voice please”. It is much more powerful than yelling at them and saying, “You know you are NOT supposed to hit your brother”. Too many yeses and no’s cripple a child’s self- discipline.
#2: Let your child know you disapprove of the behavior not of him – When your child behaves in a way that you disapprove, make sure to let him know that his behavior is not appropriate, but that you still love him.
It helps to remind him that while he has not made the best choice, he’s intrinsically good, even when he is not on his best behavior.
#3: Stay cool and calm but be firm – From a young age our children start learning about the meaning behind our actions, including our tone of voice. If we are always losing our cool and raising our voices, our kids learn to dismiss our efforts.
Save a firm, but clear tone of voice that indicates to your child that you mean business for those occasions when you must get your point across. Many parents have a “look” or a “word” they use that conveys to their children that they are not fooling around. Be consistent and assertive and your children will get the point without having to say “No”!
#4: Reframe – One of toughest times for most moms is when they take their kids to the store. It’s then when children decide they are off on a candy or toy expedition and ask for every piece of candy or toy in sight. The temptation is to give them a lecture about why they can’t have the candy and say something like, “No candy before dinner” or get angry because they asked!
You feel the tension. You know a tantrum or attitude is sure to follow. You choose to say “No” again, more firmly and assertive this time. Before you know it, she’s having a five-alarm tantrum in the produce section floor!
Try to rephrase what you say to your child. Instead of saying no, you could choose to say “Yes, you can have a treat after dinner. Right now, mom is going to finish her shopping.” Instead of the frustrated “No balls in the house!” simply say, “You can throw your ball out in the backyard.”
No more explaining is necessary; you have already shared with your children what the rules are and what the consequences are.
#5: Be willing to be flexible – If you have a strong-willed child as I do, you probably find yourself feeling exhausted by her attempts to get something she desperately thinks she needs.
At first, she would try to badger me and flat out wear me out. Your best line of defense is to listen to her request the first time, give it consideration (as long as it seemed reasonable) and be willing to negotiate.
Changing your mind, after careful consideration lets our children know that they have been heard. It helps to reserve the right to make a decision one way or another until I have heard them out. Even if they don’t agree, they know you are trying to be fair.
The purpose is that you are listening which teaches them that trying to “nag” me into agreeing only results in automatic denial. If you change your mind, it is not because of nagging, but out of respect.
Using “no” in an appropriate way and not out of a “knee-jerk” reaction helps us listen to their minds, while protecting their bodies. It doesn’t get better than that!
Want more ideas on discipline without saying no? Visit Sandra online at The Soulful Parent to request your free eBook for ideas and support in navigating the “wacky” world of motherhood.
Parenting 101: Scream-Free Discipline – Practical Tips for Working Moms
Parenting today is a multifaceted, complex and challenging undertaking, especially for working moms who need to balance work and parenting. A stressful day at the office can quickly turn into a stressful night with the kids if you let it. That goes double for moms who work from home as the boundaries between work and parenting often get blurred and business problems become family problems and vice versa.
So how can working moms maintain a stress-free, scream-free household?
It’s important for parents to remember to key principles of Scream Free parenting: “You are responsible TO your children, not for your children.” Parenting is about parents – that’s why it’s called “parenting”. If it were only about kids, it would be called “kidding”.
The biggest enemy we face as parents is not the media, the influence of so-called ‘bad company’ or even the temptation of drugs and alcohol. The single biggest challenge we face as parents is our tendency to react instead of respond to the challenges our children bring us.
The truth is that if we want our children to become the adults we want them to be one day, it’s important that we keep ourselves under control. It is imperative that we figure out how to respond to their behaviors instead of just losing our cool!
Parents often ask, “Does keeping calm mean that my kids get to do what they want?” Or “Does that mean that they get away with any kind of behavior?” And the answer is always a resounding and absolute “NO”! The key is balancing guiding them while at the same time letting them take responsibility for their own behavior.
The solution is not to focus more and more time on our kids at the expense of our sanity. The bottom line is we can’t control what our children do no matter how hard we try! How long did it take you to realize your kid had a mind of her own?
You need focus on controlling what you can actually control and the only one you can control is YOU. We cannot be present and available for our kids if we are not in control of ourselves. Success in keeping ourselves cool and calm, especially when your children have pushed every single button, requires some prep work:
1) Take care of yourself – Fill up your own emotional tank, so you can handle the stress that is raising children!
2) Set boundaries and stick to them – Whether your promise your child a treat or threaten a consequence, follow through!
3) Once the boundaries are set, the consequences will speak for themselves – No need for you to be the “bad guy” anymore!
4) Be prepared – Keep a few short, simple phrases, or scripts that you can tell your children in those moments when things are escalating.
5) Have a clear picture of the adult you hope your child will become – It makes it much easier to make decisions when we know the goal we are heading toward.
Raising children in this new, more open, more balanced way is simple yet, not necessarily easy. It requires a lot more work, patience, and more focus than yelling at them or sending them to their room every time they do something we don’t approve of. I promise you will be amazed when you choose to parent the Scream-Free way.
Want more ideas on how to parent the Scream-Free way? Visit Sandra online at The Soulful Parent to request your free eBook for ideas and support in navigating the “wacky” world of motherhood.
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