Stop Blaming Your Children – Why YOUR Failure Isn’t THEIR Fault
“Hurray up or we are going to be late!”
“Well if you would just put your boots on the way I showed you we would be leaving by now!”
(In the car) “Aarrgg! Now we are going to be late….again! I am so frustrated and I don’t know what it is going to take for us to leave the house on time!”
(From the back seat) “I’m sorry, mommy.”
Does this sound like a conversation that you have with your child?
I am sad to say that incidences like this were all too common for my children and me. So much that by the time my oldest was 4 years old, he was pre-apologizing for making us late every time we left the house, even when we were going to be on time and I was in a good mood!
As a mom, there are so many details to remember and tasks to accomplish in a day while caring for little people that often require full to moderate assistance with daily living. Leaving the house on time was always my greatest challenge.
Until I owned my victim mentality I didn’t really understand the problem was my relationship with time, not the gorgeous little people who called me ‘Mommy’. What I needed to do was be realistic about how long tasks took, prepare and leave the house 15 minutes earlier, not get angrier at them for something they were not old enough to be responsible for.
Do you hear yourself making your children your excuse for falling short?
Do you use your children as the excuse for not achieving the goals or dreams you had for yourself or your business? I started my Life Coaching business working from home with my youngest home half the day. I loved my work and my clients, yet I would still use him as the excuse to clients why I could not meet in person.
The truth was I was choosing to be home with him and not employ daycare services and I chose to have children in the first place. The lie is that somehow it was his fault as if the stork suddenly dropped him off at my door without asking me.
Blame and victim are insidious, toxic parts of our thinking that we are not always aware exist. They stem from the belief or feeling of being trapped or without choice. It’s easier to make someone or something outside of ourselves the scapegoat for our discomfort.
The long term cost to our children hearing or even perceiving this blame (children are much more perceptive that we give them credit for) is growing up with a feeling of shame. The definition for shame is this – You didn’t just MAKE a mistake, you ARE a mistake. That is a huge weight to try and shed off once it is internalized.
Making a change is possible! It’s time to stop the blame game and move toward what you want:
- Be prepared – Set out what you need the night before.
- Set a timer for yourself so you know when to start a task with time to complete (like leaving the house), or have your morning alarm go off 30 minutes early.
- Ask for support – You don’t need to be a hero to everyone! Try sharing childcare with a friend to give you a few hours of alone time to work.
- Decide what you really want – If you could dream up your days, what would they look like? Get clear on the actual structure you need and put a plan in place to create as much or all of that vision.
- Be realistic – Set your goals based on what is possible now and make a plan to create the rest. Raising children requires time and flexibility.
- Don’t multi-task! Pretending to be present to your child while also talking on the phone and typing is ridiculous, and the fastest way to look track of time. Use the timer to spend focus time with your child, then again to have small amounts of focus work time (depending on the age and needs of your child).
- Communicate with your children – Even at 18-months-old your child understands much more than you think. Tell them what your timer means and what they can expect from you. Children catch on quickly and will go with the plan as long as they understand when they get 100% of you.
You do not like being blamed for something you know was not your fault, and neither do your children. It’s time to own up to your results and use the tips listed above to start the change them.
I started telling my children that being late was my fault and not theirs, based on my poor planning. I still let them know when I was frustrated, and made very clear it was about me and not them.
When you own your successes AND your failures, you have more to celebrate and greater learning to move forward with. Set bigger goals and get more efficient work done ‘during school hours’. Best of all your children know they are not the reason for my failure, and a huge part of my success as a mompreneur.
Get in the Results Business – How to Drive Word-of-Mouth Marketing
The shift toward a customer service culture has caused customers to expect more from companies. What impressed them yesterday is expected today. Think of it as a form of inflation where your service Wow dollars don’t get as much as they used to.
At the same time, the power of word of mouth marketing is at an all-time high, with social sharing driving consumer choice at unprecedented levels. So what’s a company to do? Give up on wowing customers or jump into the wow business?
The answer is, and always will be, go for the wow! If there’s any business you want to be, you MUST be in, it’s the results business. Your customers want results, not excuses. Give them results, without hassle, and a few unexpected extras, and your customers will do the rest!
How to Drive Word-of-Mouth Marketing
#1: Know WHAT Results Your Customers are Seeking – Start by finding out EXACTLY what results your customers are seeking. This is not the time for guessing – if you want to know what your customers want, ask (and make it a priority to keep asking).
#2: Deliver Results with Ease – Don’t make your customers fight for what they want. Although most will happily play the angry customer game to get what they want, they won’t actually be all that happy with you. Make your customer experience simple and seamless.
#3: Create a Memorable Experience – There’s no point in going above and beyond in ordinary mundane ways. Savvy customers know to expect that as part of the package. The challenge is coming up with creative and unique ways to impress.
#4: Empower Your People – Give the people who really make or break your word-of-mouth reputation the ability to be creative in pleasing customers. Don’t tie their hands with difficult-to-navigate systems and official policies. Not only is that annoying to employees, it’s infuriating to customers.
#5: Remind Them to Share – Include a call to action reminding them (in a fun and friendly way) to share what they love about you with others. This can be as simple as posting requests to share via social media, using QR codes to enable sharing or asking in product documentation or signage.
Safety Starts at Home – Preventing the Most Common Careless Household Accidents
We all experience those accidents around the home – the ones that we know are completely stupid and should have known better to avoid, but happened anyway. Whether it’s because we’re rushing around and not being as careful as we should be or one of those freak things that occurred because someone else in the house is at fault, these injuries can sometimes be serious.
The Most Common Careless Accidents that Happen Around the Home
The Dishwasher Daggers – No, it probably wasn’t you that put the sharp knives pointing up in the dishwasher but before you put your hand in be sure they’re not facing up. A woman actually died when she tripped on the open dishwasher and impaled herself on a knife that was pointing up.
The Furniture Polish Peril – If you, or a family member, are using furniture polish on a piece of furniture in a room with tile floors, apply carefully. If the polish gets onto the floor it will create a surface as slippery as ice. Not only could someone slip and break their leg, hip or arm but could also hit their head on the edge of the furniture that was being polished.
The Garbage Gouge – Whether it’s tossing a glass jar into the garbage, which then breaks or throwing away a broken glass, be careful when you are lifting the garbage bag out of the can to take it outside. As you lift it, the glass can cut through the bag and lacerate your leg.
The Handrail Hazard – As we’re racing down the stairs in the morning with coffee cup, or baby in one hand, and a purse or diaper bag in the other, we can turn a quick trip into a tripping hazard. It’s easy for the strap of the purse or diaper bag to get hooked onto the top of the hand rail, sending you, the hot coffee and even your baby tumbling down the stairs.
The Small Pet Stumble – Even if you’ve had your pet for years, there’s going to be that one time you turn around from the stove with a pot of boiling water and your cat or small dog will be behind you, causing you to trip and have scalding water cover you, your pet and anyone else around you.
The Car Door Crunch – When we’re late for work, school or some activity, getting our toddlers into their car seats seems to take forever. Make it a habit to insist on “hands on head” however, to be sure there are no little fingers in the door as you slam it shut. And be sure any older children still standing outside the car have their fingers away from the hinge to prevent the same thing.
The Stockinged Feet Slide – For many of us who don’t like shoes worn in the home, we’re usually in socks, tights or some other soft covering on our feet. And, on stairs without carpeting or treads, it just takes one foot placed the wrong way to go sliding down the entire staircase.
How To Connect On Social Media – #1 Tip from @RickiLake
Social media has changed the world forever. In just 140 characters or an update to your Facebook status, you have the potential to connect with a complete stranger in the same town or across the globe. In an instant, Friendships are being formed. Business is taking place. People are connecting. And the world will never be the same.
But it isn’t that easy…
Many people are standing on the sidelines of social media, unsure of how to jump into the conversation and contribute their thoughts. There is uncertainty about how one can form bonds with people they have never met “face to face.”
Are you one of many asking the question, “how?”
That is why we are here and you can know one thing for sure… You are in the right place! We have teamed up with Ricki Lake, one of the most engaged celebrities on social media, to share 5 tips for connecting with people in an instant on social media.
Watch this video to hear Ricki Lake’s #1 Tip for Connecting on Social Media
2. Be Respectful.
Leave judgment at the door and respect that other people on social media have beliefs and opinions that are their own. This is what makes them unique! Just as in offline relationships, if you want to make friends, you have to be one first. If you want people to respect you, start by being respectful of them.
3. Be Inspiring.
People like social media for many reasons. Many will share that they feel uplifted and empowered to live their best life by connecting with inspiring and positive people. If you want to make a lot of friends on social media, be inspiring. Be encouraging. Be a friend.
4. Be Generous.
The more you offer to help others in life, the more “likeable” you will be. When on social media you can help others by supporting their work. Take the time to mention people, and give them positive feedback. When you re-tweet or share the content of others they feel good and are more likely to appreciate and connect with you. Remember, “it’s not about me, it’s about we”.
5. Find a Fun Community!
Following a hashtag community on Twitter or joining a group or community on Facebook is a great way to connect with people who are like you and who are usually looking for the same type of connection you are looking for. Twitter and Facebook are the largest gathering of individuals on the planet. Communities are simply small groups within. Think of communities on social media as you would small break-out sessions at a very, very large conference. The name on the door is the community. Pick the door that tells you that you share common interests with those on the other side. Then, open the door, step inside and say hello via a tweet or a post on the Facebook wall. You will be surprised that many are waiting for… you!
If you are looking for a community that is based on friendship and connection, please join Ricki Lake and the Friends of Ricki for a very special announcement and a first hand look at social media connection on Ustream at http://ustream.tv/rickilake and using Twitter hashtag #FriendsofRicki at 5pm PST this Wednesday, February 1. We look forward to seeing you and connecting with you there!
Do you have any ideas or questions about making connections on social media? Please leave your thoughts in the comments and let’s discuss.
Give Old Photos a New Digital Life – How Digitize Old Photos
One of the most common questions we get is “What do I do with all my old photos?” We’ve all got shoeboxes full of them too so we went off in search of a solution because frankly, these days digging out that old photo album seems a little pointless.
First, if you’re only looking to digitize a small batch, maybe around 100 precious portraits, then there are lots of inexpensive flatbed scanners out there that will do the trick. Some even scan film negatives, which is a real plus. But before you press “scan” for the first time, let’s talk dpi.
Now, if you have hundreds, yes, that’s hundreds with an “s,” then you may be better off having Scanmyphotos.com take care of them for you. They have high speed scanners that turn your lifetime of photo memories into 300 dpi files burned conveniently onto a DVD. Their prices are reasonable ($79.50 for 1000 photos), but there are some details you’re going to want to let Carley tell you about.
So check out this week’s Twirl for everything you need to know about digitizing your favorite photo memories. Then, just think of what you can do with all that space you freed up in that bottom drawer.
One Task at a Time: Why Focusing on the Very Next Step is the Key
Ever look up the long winding path in front of you and think to yourself, “I will NEVER in a million years reach the top”? And yet, if you continue to take one step at a time, soon enough you will be looking back at that long winding path and think, “Wow, look at how far I’ve come in what seems like no time at all.”
In business (and in life), typically when you start out on a long and winding path, you can’t see the top or even the entire route ahead of you. Perhaps all you can see if the daunting rock wall straight ahead, the one the guidebooks assure you leads to a false summit. The only thing you can do is set a direction and take one step at a time.
Why Focusing on the Very Next Step is the Key
It’s ridiculous to imagine that you would start off from the trail head and in a single leap, jump to the top of the mountain. Or that you could take all 50,892 steps at once. And yet that’s often how we approach our businesses, expecting to get there in a single leap or by tackling all the steps at once.
Thinking that it’s simply a matter of leaping ahead and skipping all the steps is at best naïve and at worst, a grave shortcut that will cost you more steps than you save. Trying to tackle all the steps at once often leads to overwhelm and leaves you with the same amount of unfinished tasks. Both equal no forward momentum at all.
Taking It One Task at a Time While Focusing on the End Goal
Keep your chin up and focus on where you want to end up, but set your foot down right in front of you. That means tackling the one task that needs to be done to keep things moving along. Sometimes that means halting your forward progress to train an assistant or address technical challenges that are ultimately slowing you down.
Start at the beginning. Entrepreneurs are notorious for racing ahead in steps and trying to tackle the tasks that are fun and exciting and leaving the foundational steps for later. A good start is better than trying to rush ahead only to have to retrace and redo missed steps.
Finish each step before taking the next one! It’s a mistake to think that momentum means jumping quickly from task to task. Firmly plant each footstep before taking another so you don’t backslide on a misplaced footstep. Rushing ahead often costs more time on going back and redoing tasks that weren’t fully completed.
Check your compass! It’s easy to get lost in the woods, especially when you are lowdown in the valleys and can’t see above the trees. Continually check your course against your goals and make sure that each step you make it on track!
Remember, when building a sustainable business, what you do along the way matters. Choose your steps carefully and you will create a foundation that will serve you for years to come! Rush ahead too fast and you will be retracing your steps to find the path you should have taken to begin with.
Sustainable Weight Loss – Why You Should Drop that New Year’s Resolution to Lose Weight
For the love of life, drop that New Year’s Resolution to lose weight!
Come on, you made the same commitment last year too and look where it got you. By all means, clean it up a bit and shave off those holiday pounds right away. The sooner you do, the easier it will be. My phone rings off the wall (if phones had walls anymore) each January. No one wants to even talk to a nutritionist at a party in December and suddenly, come January, we are all the rage.
But I am telling you, don’t do it.
The reason why is simple: Losing weight takes a herculean, single minded commitment to everything you put in your mouth and every movement you make. And not just this month, until you lose those 10 or 100 pounds, you will need to focus on it for the rest of your life. Every nibble of cheese, every sip of wine, each brownie or sizzle of steak will make your mouth water and you will have to resist.
If you have 100 pounds to lose, you need to know what is involved in not only to taking that weight off, but keeping it off. For you, the benefits will be huge but you really want your resolution to be to “seek help to lose weight”. You need more than new recipes. You need new tools, new thoughts, a plan of action, one-on-one support and insight into why this happened. Your key to success will be realizing that your body wants to stay fat but your mind, your life and your loved ones don’t want to see you suffer any more.
Any or all of these reasons will need to be strong enough to pull you through. You need to know what you are getting into and that you may need superhuman powers to keep it off. Mobility and quality of life will improve when you do. If you have 5 or 10 pounds to lose (and they are the same pounds that you wanted to lose last year or did lose and found again) you may be better off committing to never gaining another ounce.
Shedding the 10 pounds may make you feel better but every time you do so your body adjusts accordingly. This makes it harder each passing year. Tighten the ship and learn to love what you have got (those in the other categories think your problem is vanity anyway).
If you are like most of the population who has between 10 and 90 to lose substitute your vague “lose weight” resolution for this much clearer, sounder approach: Lose 10% of your total body weight. There is good evidence that this will give you the most health benefits and be the easiest lose and sustain over the long term.
There are universal tips and tricks to keep calories low and help manage your brain’s and body’s expectations of fuel. After all, you gave your body and brain more and now they are getting less, it is only human to push back. You, your habits, your environment and your attitudes will all have to change. It is not about what is on the plate! It is about what your biology thinks should be on the plate.
Make this year, the year that you change THAT and you will be getting somewhere.
Sales Drying Up? What To Do When You Get Stuck in a Sales Sahara Desert
Every now and then when you least expect it, your sales will dry so fast your mouth puckers. I call it “The Sahara Desert Dry Spell”. When it happens, it will suck every ounce of energy out of you if you don’t know what to do!
When the Sales Well Goes Dry
The reason Sahara Desert Dry Spells are so tough to deal with is because they happen so unexpectedly. It starts when you lose business that you were counting on, usually due to changes outside your control. If you get caught unprepared, what follows is a Sahara Desert Dry Spell.
It happened to me when I lost FOUR of my largest television advertising accounts in one year. Nothing to do with me, but I was left scrambling to recover hundreds of thousands of dollars in lost revenue.
Losing those HUGE clients was a really tough lesson, especially as 100% commission salesperson. It forced me to become REALLY CREATIVE and also to make sure it never happened to me again.
So What Is a Sahara Sales Desert?
You’re selling like crazy, working your little buns off and then WHAM the sales start disappearing and you start to panic. The key to avoiding the dry spell from hell is knowing what to do.
Plan Ahead! If you are too busy working in your business instead of ON your business, you will have one dry spell after another. You must plan ahead and determine the months of the year that your sales increase or decrease and then create a strategy on what to do!
Have Some Reserves! (Camels Do!) Most people in business are under-capitalized. You have to SAVE or have access to money to help you weather a DRY SPELL so you don’t react in a manner that is totally short-term thinking. A dry spell is not a good reason to cancel advertising, stop promoting yourself, or not invest any professional development. If you are at that point, then you aren’t making wise business decisions and you have more DRY SPELLS in your future. GUARANTEED.
Don’t Have All Your Water On One Camel! It happened to me and it could happen to you. Who is your biggest client? Now imagine that client goes out of business, retires, chooses another provider – where would YOU BE? Don’t keep all of your revenue in a handful of clients otherwise if something goes wrong – you will need a HANDFUL OF KLEENEX!
Make Sure You Are Headed For An Oasis and NOT a Mirage! Do you have realistic sales targets? Do you have an established sales and marketing plan for the next year or are you WINGING IT? How much do you want to earn this year? Write out in detail how you are going to achieve that goal.
Remember this piece of advice: “Dig the well before you are thirsty.” Otherwise you will be looking at a dry bank account because your sales have flat-lined or dropped. Get creative with your sales and become your own rainmaker!
Want more sassy sales advice? Sign up for her saucy and smart FREE e-zine and receive her FREE Bonus Report “The 5 Biggest Sales Mistakes Women Make” at www.salesdivas.com
Mission Possible – Using a Family Mission Statement to Connect your Family
Does your family have a mission?
Cue the Mission: Impossible theme song. I am an action flick gal. I have seen every James Bond movie at least three times, I was first in line to see Transformers, and I never miss a superhero adventure.
So, when the topic of missions comes up, it is no surprise that the first thing that pops in my mind is the theme song from Mission: Impossible. The mission I have in mind isn’t an impossible one, but like the M:I character, Ethan Hunt, it does require a focus and teamwork to achieve it.
Whether it’s a top-secret mission, one from God or one from within, a mission declares what you would like your life to look. It directs your life and asserts your purpose. It answers questions, such as: How do we choose to live our life? What values support us? What are our priorities?
So, your, well, mission – should you choose to accept it – is to identify and craft your own family mission statement. Whether you are a family of two or twenty, a mission statement provides everyone a say in how the family goes and grows in life as an individuals and as a team.
7 Steps to Creating Your Family Mission
#1: Establish your personal mission. Consider the current status of your life, values, priorities, goals, education, professional pursuits, leisure activities and roles you enjoy on a regular basis. Get specific! (If you haven’t done a Life Perspective Plan, you get one at juliesmith.com.) Encourage your spouse, life partner, and/or older children to determine their personal mission as well.
#2: Gather all the family members for a family meeting. Be sure to include anyone that lives in the same house: younger children, children who live/visit on a part-time basis and even grandparents who may live in the home. Explain that you will all be contributing to the creation of a mission statement. Let your family know that a mission is NOT a list of rules, requirements or punishments; rather, it is a roadmap for the family’s journey through life.
#3: Characterize your family by asking each family member list adjectives that describe your family. For example, our family describes itself as loving, quirky, authentic, funny, kind, creative and smart. (Be sure everyone contributes.) As each word is shared, list it on a white board for all to see. Additionally, ask family members to listen without judgment as each person’s shares his or her dreams, goals, priorities, and if completed, personal mission. These contributions start to lay the foundation of what your family mission will encompass.
#4: Brainstorm ideas to include in your family mission statement. Ask each person to contribute ideas. (Remember to do this without censorship as this is a brainstorming session.) Prompt ideas with questions such as: “What goals do we have as a family?” “If there was a definition of us in the dictionary, what would it say?” “If a stranger met us, what would they think of our interactions together?” “What inside jokes does our family share?” “What traits do we admire?” “What do we find unacceptable?” “If we were honored at an award show, what award would we win?”
#5: Craft your mission by forming the ideas in sentences. Once you have composed your sentences into a statement, edit it until everyone is agreement with both the words and the sentiment. An example may be, “The Smiths live authentically and judgment-free. We strive for continued growth, knowledge and new experiences. We are not defined by one trait or thought; rather, we are motivated by our qualities: quirky, creative, intellect, kind, honest and fun. Collectively and individually, we create the life we want.”
#6: Refine your mission into a short motto. A motto is one sentence that summarizes your family’s mission. Depending on your family, you may choose to write it in code, rhyme or verse. Some families create a catchy, humorous affirmation as their motto. The key is to make it easy to remember and touch on at lest a few of the points in your mission. My family’s motto is “The Smiths are true to their best selves.” It also could be funny or in code, as long as your family knows what it means and represents.
#7: Print out your motto and family mission statement, and ask everyone sign and date it. Post both mission and motto in a variety of prominent places in your home and business. Start creating habits and objectives that support your mission. As decisions are made both at home and business, tie them back to your family mission to ensure alignment in both areas for ultimate success.
Looking for more tips on teaching kids about character? Connect with Julie at www.juliesmith.com!
Business 101: Spotlight on Your Business – 4 Reasons Press Releases Are a Powerful Business Tool
Ever stop to consider WHY you are writing and submitting press releases? What bottom line goals are you trying to achieve? A lot of business owners start out with clear goals for their PR campaigns, and slowly lose sight of them over time.
Generate Sales And Qualified Leads
Generating sales leads is unlikely to be your main purpose for sending press releases, but is still a powerful goal. Moreover, it’s a simple metric to track and with online press release distribution sites, the chances are even greater of your potential customers reading them.
Each PR you send should contain language that excites the reader while delivering the information promised by your title. While hype is inappropriate, you can craft your press releases using the same principles that are employed in sales letters.
Lead the reader through your news story; start strong and build momentum; and end with a clear call to action. Include links throughout the body with at least one pointing to an internal page on your site that asks for the sale.
Improve Brand Awareness Among Your Audience
Though you may think your products and services are similar to those offered by your competitors, your brand is unique. The key is improving recognition and awareness of your brand.
By sending an ongoing stream of press releases, you can keep your company’s name in front of your customers and prospects. You can keep your market informed about recent accomplishments, product breakthroughs, and how your company is getting involved in your community.
These things help to build your brand, positioning your business in a positive light. As your audience continues to see your company’s name, they’ll develop a higher degree of trust while perceiving you as an authority in your space.
Attract Coverage From Journalists And Bloggers
Traditionally, coverage from reporters and journalists has been one of the main goals of sending press releases. It remains so today!
The online space has shifted attention from conventional media sources to online journalists, including bloggers. This means small businesses have a greater range of outlets through which to gain exposure.
Improve Your Website’s Search Engine Rankings
One of the main ingredients for effective search engine optimization is links. The more high-quality, relevant links you build to your company’s site, the better your site will rank in Google and the other search engines. This means more visibility to your target market.
Whenever you distribute an online press release, include at least one link – and preferably, two or three – with your targeted keywords in the anchor text. This informs Google about the topic of the page to which the link points.
When your customers and prospects type those keywords into their favorite search engine, they are more likely to see your site listed. This not only helps you to build top of mind awareness in your audience, but also drives targeted traffic to your website.
Ultimately, the purpose of online press release distribution is to attract attention and draws people to your business. This includes media coverage in the form of journalists and bloggers who are looking for an expert source. It includes your customers, who are reminded of the reasons they enjoy doing business with you. And it includes those who are looking for solutions to their problems, but have yet to stumble across the company that can help them.
For a FREE copy of Tara Geissinger and Christine O’Kelly’s e-book, “The Results-Driven Press Release Forumla,” visit: http://www.onlineprnews.com/how-to-write-a-press-release.
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- I love that @AlyPain tells it like it is --> STOP Blaming Your Children - Why YOUR Failure Isn't THEIR Fault - http://t.co/LPo51mgI
- Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says, "Make me feel important." ~Mary Kay Ash
