Winning the Video Game Battle: How to Get Your Couch Potato Kids Outside
There are days when the kids seem more than motivated to get outside and play with every toy they own (my front yard looking like a garage sale gone awry), and other days, I can’t convince them to move so I can vacuum under their feet.
Ever have those times when your kids don’t seem to move from the couch or from in front of the computer screen?
You suggest fun activities, you offer to pick up a friend, you list the benefits of getting outside and stretching their legs and still, nothing. There they sit. When it’s a cold, dreary snow-less winter, what’s a parent to do?
On a day-to-day basis, you can limit screen time the kids can enjoy, but sometimes managing that and filling in their time with other creative ideas is full-time job in itself. If they are kept busy with other activities, there is rarely time for extended couch surfing.
Before school everyone has responsibilities in our house – emptying the dishwasher, packing backpacks, practicing piano, getting out vitamins, making their own breakfasts, brushing teeth, and finding library books. This leaves little time for TV or computers before school and keeps everyone moving towards to door.
Regular weekly activities give the kids an outlet to learn a new skill and get much needed time to move after nap time or sitting at a desk all day. If your kids are too young for full-day school, plan morning outings to the library or a play date and in the afternoon plan something active like a walk.
You don’t want your kids too busy, but a paper route or dance classes a couple days a week for older kids keeps them active and away from the video game temptation with their free-time after school.
When we do have those lazy unstructured weekends void of any plans, birthday parties or trips to the mall, it’s time to play the Activities Coordinator and plan a family outing – something you know everyone will enjoy (once they finish groaning and moaning about getting up off the couch)!
Go for a walk to the park, take a hike in the nearby forest, go for a family swim at the local pool, play mini golf or head to the open gym at the community center. Older kids will enjoy a little indoor rock climbing, skating, bowling or sign up for a Zumba class.
The key is that Mom and Dad join in! The kids not only love the family time, but the whole family benefits from staying active together. The feel good laughs at Mom trying to climb a rock wall or Dad sinking a glow in the dark hole in one will be remembered. Not to mention the hugs, holding hands and family time! It makes it easier the next time you need to nudge everyone off the couch.
Want more tips on raising healthy kids? Visit her websites to learn more www.iron-kids.com and www.adultgummies.com!
My Child Was Doing WHAT?!@ What to Do When You Learn Your Child is Viewing Pornography
There are few more dramatic, clutch-the-pearls parenting moments than discovering that your child was viewing pornography. It doesn’t matter what your child’s gender is or how shy or outgoing your child is. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve put parental restrictions on your Internet access. Porn is easily accessible today in a variety of formats, and it is very likely that this will happen in your family at some point.
Why might your child have checked out porn? The most common reasons are:
Curiosity – Cultural references to porn are all around us. They are made by teens and adults, on the radio, by recording artists, in sitcoms and in movies. So sometimes kids check out porn because they want to know what it is and what the big deal is about.
Hormones – It’s hard for us to admit, but our children are sexual beings. Once they enter puberty, they are RAGING sexual beings. It’s exactly what’s supposed to be happening, biologically and developmentally. So sometimes, kids go online to check out porn because it turns them on. Sorry. Truth.
Confusion – Adolescents are concrete thinkers who need specific examples. If you describe what a condom is, your adolescent will understand something. If you show your adolescent a condom, allow her or him to actually touch it, your concrete adolescent will understand far more. For some young people, hearing “oral sex is when someone puts their mouth on another person’s genitals for pleasure” isn’t enough. How does that actually happen? Why do people do it? Adolescents go online, see someone performing oral sex and say, “Oh, I get it.”
Parents often ask, what impact does viewing porn have on children? There are different viewpoints and a range of research relating to this. Generally speaking, porn does not harm a young person. It can, however, misinform and confuse them. Porn is made for adults, not adolescents. It is designed to be a fantasy—and adolescents don’t always get that because, again, they’re concrete thinkers. What they see is what they get.
So, what do you do if your child has been checking out porn?
Decide who’s going to bring it up. If you are partnered or married, strategize together first for consistency. Then one of you should speak with your child so she or he does not feel ganged up on. Believe me, your child is going to feel embarrassed and defensive, so you need to approach this gently.
Be ready to explain how you know she or he was accessing porn. When it comes to technology, parents are all over the place about whether it’s OK to check their children’s e-mails, texts, etc. If you are a parent who does spot checks, I suggest you let your child know that in advance. Otherwise, while you’re trying to talk with your child about why it’s not OK for her or him to look at porn, she or he will be focused on how and why you violated her or his privacy.
Be ready to have several short conversations. Again, your child is likely to be mortified that you discovered she or he was watching porn. That means you have a limited window in which to talk about it. This also means that you may need to come back to it several times to reinforce what you said the first time, since all they will be able to hear is their own voice in their head saying, “Please let this be over….”
Set boundaries. Remember you are the parent, and as the parent, you are responsible for setting and maintaining rules in your home. After you’ve spoken about why adolescents shouldn’t be viewing porn, you need to clearly explain your expectations moving forward and that, like with any other rules, there will be consequences for breaking them. Effective consequences should happen right after the offense and be related to the offense (e.g., no non-homework computer access for a period of time).
Watch for these warning signs that indicate a problem needing professional help:
Subject matter. If you were to discover that the only images your child was viewing were particularly violent or degrading, you’d need to talk about what she or he saw and to explain clearly that that is not the way people should behave in a sexual relationship. How that conversation goes will determine whether you might want to bring your child to see a therapist to explore the source of their curiosity.
Frequency of viewing. A parent asked me, “If my son says he can’t stop watching porn, is that a problem?” Absolutely. If viewing porn feels like a compulsion, professional intervention is necessary to direct your child away from a behavior that is not healthy to one that is.
Changes in language or behavior. Any dramatic changes in your child’s language or behavior should be noted. (For example, if your previously outgoing child becomes quieter, more secretive, or you hear them using more sexualized language with friends or with you). These changes may not necessarily indicate that your child has been viewing porn, but they can. When in doubt, check it out.
Above all, stay calm. Talk with other parents about how they’ve handled this situation with their children. Speak with professionals who have expertise working with children. You are not alone in figuring out how to address this!
Mission Possible – Using a Family Mission Statement to Connect your Family
Does your family have a mission?
Cue the Mission: Impossible theme song. I am an action flick gal. I have seen every James Bond movie at least three times, I was first in line to see Transformers, and I never miss a superhero adventure.
So, when the topic of missions comes up, it is no surprise that the first thing that pops in my mind is the theme song from Mission: Impossible. The mission I have in mind isn’t an impossible one, but like the M:I character, Ethan Hunt, it does require a focus and teamwork to achieve it.
Whether it’s a top-secret mission, one from God or one from within, a mission declares what you would like your life to look. It directs your life and asserts your purpose. It answers questions, such as: How do we choose to live our life? What values support us? What are our priorities?
So, your, well, mission – should you choose to accept it – is to identify and craft your own family mission statement. Whether you are a family of two or twenty, a mission statement provides everyone a say in how the family goes and grows in life as an individuals and as a team.
7 Steps to Creating Your Family Mission
#1: Establish your personal mission. Consider the current status of your life, values, priorities, goals, education, professional pursuits, leisure activities and roles you enjoy on a regular basis. Get specific! (If you haven’t done a Life Perspective Plan, you get one at juliesmith.com.) Encourage your spouse, life partner, and/or older children to determine their personal mission as well.
#2: Gather all the family members for a family meeting. Be sure to include anyone that lives in the same house: younger children, children who live/visit on a part-time basis and even grandparents who may live in the home. Explain that you will all be contributing to the creation of a mission statement. Let your family know that a mission is NOT a list of rules, requirements or punishments; rather, it is a roadmap for the family’s journey through life.
#3: Characterize your family by asking each family member list adjectives that describe your family. For example, our family describes itself as loving, quirky, authentic, funny, kind, creative and smart. (Be sure everyone contributes.) As each word is shared, list it on a white board for all to see. Additionally, ask family members to listen without judgment as each person’s shares his or her dreams, goals, priorities, and if completed, personal mission. These contributions start to lay the foundation of what your family mission will encompass.
#4: Brainstorm ideas to include in your family mission statement. Ask each person to contribute ideas. (Remember to do this without censorship as this is a brainstorming session.) Prompt ideas with questions such as: “What goals do we have as a family?” “If there was a definition of us in the dictionary, what would it say?” “If a stranger met us, what would they think of our interactions together?” “What inside jokes does our family share?” “What traits do we admire?” “What do we find unacceptable?” “If we were honored at an award show, what award would we win?”
#5: Craft your mission by forming the ideas in sentences. Once you have composed your sentences into a statement, edit it until everyone is agreement with both the words and the sentiment. An example may be, “The Smiths live authentically and judgment-free. We strive for continued growth, knowledge and new experiences. We are not defined by one trait or thought; rather, we are motivated by our qualities: quirky, creative, intellect, kind, honest and fun. Collectively and individually, we create the life we want.”
#6: Refine your mission into a short motto. A motto is one sentence that summarizes your family’s mission. Depending on your family, you may choose to write it in code, rhyme or verse. Some families create a catchy, humorous affirmation as their motto. The key is to make it easy to remember and touch on at lest a few of the points in your mission. My family’s motto is “The Smiths are true to their best selves.” It also could be funny or in code, as long as your family knows what it means and represents.
#7: Print out your motto and family mission statement, and ask everyone sign and date it. Post both mission and motto in a variety of prominent places in your home and business. Start creating habits and objectives that support your mission. As decisions are made both at home and business, tie them back to your family mission to ensure alignment in both areas for ultimate success.
Looking for more tips on teaching kids about character? Connect with Julie at www.juliesmith.com!
Parenting 101: Giving First – Teaching Kids about Giving in the Season of Gift Overwhelm
Several years ago, I recall asking my just-turned-five-year-old son to gather items to donate to a children’s hospital for the young patients. I closed my eyes and prepared for howls of “What do you mean you’re giving away my toys?!” It never came.
As I opened my eyes, I saw him enthusiastically hauling toys from his toybox and beyond. He relinquished his old baby rattles, Legos, and his prized super hero collection. I asked if he really wanted to take all these items. “Yes, mom,” he replied. As we loaded up our car, I praised him for wanting to give his toys to those in need. That’s when it hit…
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE GIVING AWAY MY TOYS?!” he yelled.
“Honey, I said we were going to donate today.”
“Donate? I thought we were getting a donut.”
Chuckling as I retrieved 20 Rescue Heroes from the lot, I sat down to explain the difference between donate and donut. I couldn’t help but wonder, though, how we teach our children the concept of giving back, of unselfishness, especially during season of holiday overwhelm.
Are toddlers and preschoolers too young? Did we miss the boat if our children are already teens? Not at all. From birth well into their teens and beyond, we can continue to provide our children with the tools to care for those in need – from the friend whose parents are divorcing to the homeless man living on the city streets to victims of unforeseen disasters.
We, as parents, are the most important tool to show our children selflessness.
Providing a home environment that is filled with empathy, generosity, compassion, kindness and consideration creates an ideal learning area for your children. When children witness your positive behavior, they have a greater tendency to model it.
Spend time with your children. Read books to young ones about manners, sharing and holiday giving. As they grow, openly discuss events such as homelessness and have your child help you create and act on solutions to help those that have been affected.
Teaching Your Kids about Giving First
Encourage Sharing. Whether toys, time, or ideas, sharing is something we preach to our children from day one; however, it is not until they reach the preschool years that they really understand the concept. Sharing is an excellent opportunity to lay the groundwork for helping others. Seize moments to help promote empathy. If your child’s sibling or friend is sad, you could encourage your child to share something with them to make them feel better.
For example, “Sweetie, Mary looks so sad, because she doesn’t have any Care Bears to play with and you have two. I bet it would make her feel really good if you let her play with one of yours for awhile.” As your children grow, encourage them to give their unused or duplicate toys to someone in need.
Be a Good Example. Expand your children’s opportunities of consideration by encouraging altruistic acts. Don’t be modest – point out your own unselfish ways. Let them identify with the emotions behind the act. Explain why you want to help others.
For example, you might say, “I’m so saddened by this story on the news about a family who cannot pay for Christmas gifts; I am going to write a check (send goods, volunteer time, etc) to help them out. Can you imagine if that happened to our family?”
Model Selflessness. Make selflessness a family event. Include volunteer work and social responsibility as part of your family definition or mission is key to letting your children know that you are committed to helping others.
Find volunteer activities that hold interest, such as baking treats for a convalescent center, so they become vested in the project. There are several organizations like The United Way and VolunteerMatch.com to help you find an activity that fits your family.
Pay Attention. Lastly, and probably most importantly, take the time to notice and praise your child’s selfless behavior and act. Your appreciation and love for their selflessness will encourage your child to continue to care for those in need while also strengthening your relationship and your family bonds.
Oh, and don’t forget to share a donut or two along the way this holiday season as well.
Want more information on heart-centered programs for kids? Check out Julie online at www.JulieSmith.com!
Parenting 101: Teaching Kids About Germs – Explaining the Immune System to Kids
Human beings live with and are surrounded by billions of bacteria and viruses. Some are good and help our bodies, but some make us sick. Lucky for us — and not so lucky for the bad bugs — getting into the human body is not easy. These bug invaders will try to get through in many ways: through the skin, nose, mouth, ears or eyes.
Thankfully the body’s immune system has incredible defense mechanisms designed to keep the invaders out: the skin is thick and hard to penetrate; the nose has cilia (little tiny hairs) and goopy mucus that trap dirt and bugs; the eyes have tears that wash them away; and the mouth produces saliva and other chemicals the bugs do not like.
These are the immune system’s first line of defense. Occasionally, bug invaders do break through this line of defense and enter the body, and when that happens the body works in even more amazing ways to protect itself.
The brain sends an alert signal out to the immune system. This signal triggers inflammation, which causes the blood vessels to dilate and increase blood flow. When this happens, a team of white blood cells, or leukocytes, flocks to the scene of the crime.
There are many types of white blood cells, including macrophages, lymphocytes, basophils, neutrophils, and eosinophils. The different white blood cells all have different jobs and come from different areas in the body such as the thymus, spleen, or bone marrow. They can travel through the blood but usually travel through a special system designed just for them, called the lymphatic system.
Once at the invasion site, the white blood cells get to work doing their special jobs. The macrophages will eat up the invaders, and the lymphocytes will not only help destroy the invaders but will remember and recognize them, in case a similar bug comes in for a future attack. White blood cells are like little warriors floating around in your blood waiting to protect you from any virus or bacteria enemies.
To help the immune system stay strong and healthy, it is very important to eat healthy, balanced meals full of colorful fruits and vegetables, and not too much sugar. The invaders love sugar as it makes them grow stronger and even multiply. It is also essential to get plenty of sleep, have fun, laugh a lot, and be happy!
For children to learn more about the immune system, Dr. Heather has created an elementary curriculum that follows her award winning story in the human Body Detectives series, The Lucky Escape. To bring the curriculum into your child’s school visit the Human Body Detectives website.
Parenting 101: You Want Me to Say WHAT? Talking About Sex With Your Kids
If you’re a parent, you know well that you have many jobs when it comes to your children’s well-being. But did you know that one of these is being your child’s sexuality educator?
Teaching your child about sexuality, in the context of your own family values, is one of the most important jobs you have—yet it is the job parents usually get the least amount of training to do.
The very idea of talking about sexuality tends to raise a myriad of questions for parents: What’s appropriate to say at which ages? Shouldn’t I wait for my child to bring it up? What if I don’t know how to answer my child’s questions?
Relax! There are some basic ways that you can let your children know that you are a safe, “askable” adult—no matter what they might have questions about.
Tip #1: It’s Never Too Early to Start. It’s important to remember that sexuality has to do with far more than “sex.” “Sexuality” is a far-reaching, comprehensive term that encompasses everything from physical anatomy to understanding how to treat people with respect, to learning how pregnancy happens, and much, much more.
When you understand this, you know that children are receiving messages about sexuality from the day they are born—from the words people use around them to describe their body parts to messages they get from family, peers and the media about how they are supposed to behave based on their assigned gender. The longer you wait to talk with your child, the more you are competing with what they’re hearing all around them.
The important phrase here is “age-appropriate”—what your child needs to know as a kindergartener is much different from what she or he needs to know in high school. Start early, start slowly—and if you’re unsure, reach out for some guidance.
Tip #2: It’s Never Too LATE to Start. If you are the parent of an adolescent and you haven’t yet started talking with your child, you didn’t miss the proverbial boat. Start now and keep talking.
As your children get older, they will need to know new information with each passing year and be faced with making decisions about relationships and shared sexual behaviors. Your guidance will be imperative throughout their adolescent years.
Try to put the idea of having “the” talk out of your mind. You need to talk early, and often!
Tip #3: Take Small Bites. You don’t need to cover absolutely everything in one conversation with your child. It will overwhelm you as much as it will your child!
Look for teachable moments: watch television with your child and mute the television during commercials to discuss something you’ve just seen.
Take advantage of car rides to and from school and other activities. This is a non-threatening place to have discussions about sexuality and other important topics.
Tip #4: Talk with Your Partner or Spouse about Your Values. If you are married or in a relationship, make sure that you and your spouse or partner talk about your values and beliefs relating to sexuality so that if you have individual conversations with your child, the messages you are giving are consistent.
Be sure to deal with any differences you may have in your opinions and values away from your child. For example, if one of you believes it’s okay for 13-year-olds to date but the other thinks that that’s too young, you need to have that conversation independent of your child and figure out together how to respond in ways that provide information without undermining either one of you or your beliefs.
Tip #5: If You Don’t Know, Say “I Don’t Know.” There is a strong pressure on parents to know everything. Although we may love it when our kids are younger and think we do, we can’t possibly. The good news is there are tons of web sites, books and other resources for parents.
If you’re stumped, be honest with your child, saying something like, “That’s a really great question. To be honest, I don’t know the answer. Let’s go look it up online together.” You won’t lose validity in your child’s eyes. In fact, he or she will appreciate your honesty.
There’s nothing about becoming a parent that makes us instant experts in sexuality—or in any other topic for that matter. But the good news is, you’re not alone.
You can get support from trained sexuality educators, learn from fellow parents and get guidance from folks in your faith community, if you are a member of one. Talking about sexuality isn’t always easy, but it is always important.
Answer is a national sexuality education organization dedicated to providing and promoting comprehensive sexuality education to young people and the adults who teach them, including parents, teachers and other educators. For more information, visit http://answer.rutgers.edu. Teens can find medically accurate, age-appropriate information on the teen Web site, Sexetc.org.
Parenting 101: The Homework Debate – How to Navigate the Politics of Homework and Engage Little Learners
The issue of homework is still one of those really intense issues that gets talked about around the lunch tables, water coolers and playgrounds everywhere. Teachers talk about it too and just like every family has their take on what homework should look like, so does every individual teacher.
Some people believe that homework can make learning rote and easily forgotten, not to mention, it cuts into family time at night. Yet others believe that the traditional way of struggling through homework every night contributes to a healthy work ethic and creates good habits that will serve students well in the higher grades.
In extreme views, parents evaluate a school’s effectiveness and status by the amount of homework that is assigned on a regular basis. Schools such as this maintain a very strict homework policy and parents that subscribe to the traditional view of “just work through it kiddo, I had to” love this ideology and enrollment stays up.
Navigating the Politics of Homework
While it’s hard these days to find articles that question the validity of homework, there is an abundance of information out there that simply explains the traditional benefits of completing homework, how best to complete it and how to set “your child up for success”.
On the other hand, there are parents out there that have this sense of discomfort around it, yet cannot find the evidence or “another way” to explain what we intuitively know. Why does my child have to do another two hours of work tonight? What does this worksheet have to do with the lesson from class today? What will happen, really happen, if my child doesn’t complete this assignment?
We as parents can appreciate the “big idea” behind getting through the assignment. We had to struggle through boring work and we are just fine. The ability to work through discomfort and to complete a task even when it isn’t fun, or interesting or engaging is something to be proud of.
This lesson needn’t always be taught through the drudgery of inconsequential homework assignments. Why not teach this lesson through weekend chores that come with consequences if not completed and earned (delayed) rewards if completed adequately? That’s how life works isn’t it?
Considerations for Determining Your Stance on Homework
We as parents have to accept that homework is not going away. Consider these ideas as you evaluate your stance around the hot homework debate.
#1: Get to know your school or district’s homework policy – What are the guidelines and who made them? How are they enforced and what is the rationale or research behind them?
#2: Talk to your child’s teacher about their personal homework policy – Your child’s teacher may have a different take on the official policy and may deliver the goods much differently than other teachers. Some teachers shun homework altogether. Some may send home only what wasn’t completed in class. Others may send home booklets to be completed on a regular basis. Start the conversation around what is expected and why.
#3: Evaluate the “worth of the work” – Is it stimulating or is it rote memorization? Is it simple tasks full of repetition or is it rich in higher-level thinking? Does it require endurance or is it interesting and engaging? Yes, sometimes there are pieces of work that just need to get done, but overall what is the value of the majority of the tasks your child is being asked to do?
How to Create an Engaging Learning Environment
An engaging, higher-level thinking task will get your child’s attention without you forcing it. Isn’t that the dream of every parent and the whole idea behind lifelong learning? Engaging tasks are:
Relevant in the life of the child – There is something about it that the child identifies with and can see purpose in doing it.
Co-created – When a child has had input into what they are working on, they feel valued and automatically have a stake in the outcome. Rather than always being told what to learn, the child chooses an aspect of an idea to ponder and work on based on either their natural abilities or interests. Teachers that pay attention to this element of task design have engaged students that WANT to work on projects “after hours”.
Big ideas – Children love to dream, and they can dream big. When a topic catches their imagination, it will have them researching, asking and questioning all aspects of it. Adults sometimes tend to break down the dreaming big process for kids, coming from a more “realistic” and jaded viewpoint. The beauty of the “what ifs” kids bring should be celebrated and explored.
Set clear expectations – Children need to know the target they are aiming for, the focus of the task and the process they need to complete in order to know they’ve completed it well. Some teachers use “rubrics”, a set of expectations that set the benchmark for what is expected. These expectations need to be shared with the student right from the get-go. This decreases anxiety and allows for constant self-evaluation of the product, a process of higher-level thinking.
Collaborative – Students are growing up in a world where collaboration is the new norm. The workplace has become a champion of this approach, yet schools are still places where kids are required to work alone. Your child should have the opportunity to talk to classmates, adults and anyone that will listen to their ideas. With technology working for them, they can engage in conversations with kids around the world about their learning!
Many parents love these ideas and yearn for these kinds of tasks for their child but struggle in a system where they feel their voices aren’t heard. The question then becomes, what are we as parents willing to do to ensure that our kids get great learning experiences?
The reality of schools is that teacher’s time is scarce, the resources are few and numbers keep increasing. We need to step in and have a part in our children’s futures, that’s the fact.
Are you willing to talk to your child’s teacher about working together on engaging tasks? Will you provide your expertise in your child’s classroom? Will you take on the heated homework debate and when you choose your stance will you base it on solid evidence?
Your child sure hopes you will!
Parenting 101: Christmas Shopping Already? Why Starting Early Makes Shopping Less Stressful for You and Your Kids
Waiting until the last minute to do our holiday shopping can be just downright stressful and who needs extra stress as a parent, especially if we have a child with special needs.
Many of us like to get our holiday shopping done early but find it difficult to accomplish. There are some parents who claim they shop better under pressure but many of us are somewhere in between.
Wherever you fall on this spectrum of holiday shopping preferences, there are pros and cons to all three:
Last minute shopping the week or even days before:
- Putting your holiday shopping off to the final days can make it incredibly difficult to find the perfect gift for each person on your shopping list.
- If lack of childcare means shopping with your child, it is unrealistic to expect a young child to join you in a shopping marathon.
- Furthermore if you wait until the last minute to finish your holiday shopping, you may be faced with a large credit card bill in January.
Early holiday shoppers who wrap it up well in advance:
- No need to deal with crowded shopping areas as hordes of other shoppers are also trying to complete their last minute holiday shopping.
- Completing your holiday shopping early will mean more time to relax and focus on quiet time with family or activities such as decorating, wrapping presents or baking cookies together – a very nice gift to give yourself and your children!
- Plus, finishing your holiday shopping early also gains you financial benefits such as taking advantage of sales and if you spread out your shopping over time, you also do not have to worry about paying for all of your purchases at once.
How to Get an Early Start on Holiday Shopping
Make a list – Sit down shortly after the holiday season to make a list of each person you plan to purchase gifts for in the following holiday season. You can also jot down a few gift ideas for each of these people as well. Creating a list at this time gives you a whole year to spend time searching for gifts for each member on your list. Once you have an idea of what to get each person you can begin tracking it down or watch for it to go on sale, which has the added benefit of saving you money.
Keep your list with you at all times – If you plan on getting your holiday shopping done early by shopping year round for friends or relatives, you should always keep your shopping list handy. Filing it away in your wallet or special place in your purse is a good place to always have it available when you need to refer to it.
Update your list regularly – Not only should you always carry your list with you, but you should also keep it up to date. As you purchase a gift for each person on your list, cross off their name and write down the actual gift you selected, especially if it was different from the gift idea you had written down originally. This will keep you from duplicating purchases because you forgot you had already purchased their gift.
Note where you keep your purchases – Raise your hand if you have ever purchased a gift early on only to forget where you put it! When you have small children that are great detectives, you need to find a secure place to store them. You may be lucky enough to keep all of your purchases in one spot but if you don’t have the room and have to use more than one hiding place, take note of it and put your treasure map in a safe place.
Set yourself a budget – Shopping throughout the year can cause you to lose track of how much you are spending on gifts because the bills blend in with regular monthly expenses. Create a budget for holiday gifts by determining ahead of time how much you wish to spend on each person on your list and try not to exceed that amount.
Despite the fact that this year is almost over, if you haven’t started your holiday shopping yet, you still have time to get a head start. Two months may not be as much time as a year but for those of us who do not like to be rushed, it is much better than two weeks or two days.
Want strategies for enhancing your emotional connection with your child on the autism spectrum? Start with this free ecourse, Parenting a Child with Autism – 3 Secrets to Thrive and a weekly parenting tip newsletter, The Spectrum, @ www.parentcoachingforautism.com.
Parenting 101: Kids Getting Too Much Screen Time? How to Limit Screen Time Without Scream Time
Wondering how to keep your child under the screen time limit recommended by health professionals of an hour and a half a day without it turning into an all-out fit?
It can be difficult to impose rules on how much time is spent in front of the TV, video game system, computer and handheld players, especially when every special occasion results in another influx of new electronic accessories. But it’s not impossible.
How to Limit Screen Time without Scream Time
#1: Redirect to other stimulation – The best approach is to have alternate activities set up and ready to go. Set up board games, or sports equipment, or get recipe ingredients out and ready for a baking session.
#2: Be involved – It’s important that you are knowledgeable of where they travel on the Internet and whom they play games with. Spend time building the parent-child relationship by taking an interest in their online gaming and chatting pursuits. It’s easier to direct them to your activities after you connect for a while in their playground.
#3: Don’t punish – problem solve! It’s not a battle of you against them. It’s you and your child against the problem. You are both on the same team! Work the problem out together to everyone’s satisfaction and enjoy the new rules and increased connection.
#4: Model a balanced life – Invite your child to participate with you in your pursuit of the 7 keys to a balanced life. Many children will get active if the parents or the whole family is involved. The 7 keys to a balanced life include time for social activity, physical activity, mental exercise, spiritual, family, financial and hobby.
#5: Negotiate! Make good use of Family Conferences, where you voice your “parent concerns.” Setting up consulting and negotiating sessions to discuss time limits that meet everyone’s needs increases the likelihood of everyone sticking to the rules.
#6: Issue time tokens – Each hour of physical activity will garner a child an hour of screen time.
#7: Get it in writing – Draw up a daily schedule and discuss where screen time fits in with the day’s already scheduled activities. Children can sign into time slots.
#8: Contract – Draw up a weekly or monthly agreement that has limits decided by both the parent and child together. Display in a prominent place. Point to it when the complaining occurs. Discuss when the contract is up for renewal.
#9: Change the environment – Sometimes, it’s easier to move around the setting than to change the other person. Seriously consider whether adding more equipment and hardware will add to the screen time and decide to not bring it into the house. Move the computer and gaming systems into the main family area. Limiting the gaming systems and computer to one for the children to share means more fighting over screen time, but can also mean more time spent in learning the valuable skill of negotiating and less individual screen time.
#10: Teach your child the fine art of haggling! “Hey, Eric, Wow, you made another level! Good for you! Now, I need you to do the dishes. What time would you like to get at them?” Insist they give you a time and haggle when they give you an outrageous one. A choice from your child makes it easier for them to abide by it.
Remember, you have the most power to negotiate rules and limits before the power button goes on!
Want more parenting tips? Check out her best-selling book, “Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery”.
Parenting 101: Sneaking Vegetables – Does It Just Reinforce the Idea that Vegetables are Yucky?
Sneaking vegetables into kid favorites like macaroni and cheese, pizza and even chocolate brownies is become quite popular. But it’s also the source of much debate, with naysayers claiming it only reinforces the belief that vegetables are yucky.
We all want to do right by our children. It’s easy to get defensive when we feel as though others are questioning our parenting choices. Perhaps that’s why there are such strong opinions on both sides of the vegetable debate.
It’s essential children know what they are eating, why it’s great for their body and where it came from. They are naturally full of curiosity when they are young which means it’s the perfect time to encourage them to explore fruits and vegetables! It’s important for children to know what vegetables look, feel and taste like.
That being said, adding vegetable purees to dishes as a way of enhancing their nutritional value is a great idea! Instead of using the sneaking or hiding approach, just look at these purees as a normal part of a recipe. Use it as an opportunity to teach your kids about food and cooking.
But does sneaking vegetables reinforce the idea that vegetables are yucky? It really comes down to one fact, unless we know all the circumstances it’s really not our place to judge how another parent decides to feed their child.
For parents with children who have sensory and problem feeding issues using vegetable purees might be the only way to ensure their children are getting important nutrients into their diet. Parents with very picky eaters are sometimes so desperate and concerned they are just happy to know their child ate something nutritious whether they knew it or not.
If you “sneak” vegetables into your children’s diet be sure to keep introducing colorful whole fruits and vegetables to your children too, even if they just look at them at first! Take your kids to a farmers’ market and connect with people that grow their food.
If you can garden with your child, that’s even better! If you don’t have a lot of space, you can grow things in pots on your deck or even a little herb garden on your windowsill. Anything to spark a connection between your child and the food they eat!
Whether you sneak vegetables or don’t, we can all agree that parenting is one of the hardest and most rewarding experiences. If we all extend a little more kindness and less judgment to our fellow parents, it would be easy to see we all want to have healthy and happy children…sometimes we just take different paths to get there!
Kia Robertson is a mom and the creator of the Today I Ate A Rainbow kit; a tool that helps parents establish healthy habits by setting the goal of eating a rainbow of fruits and vegetables every day.
