Funny Mummy: Battle Hymn of the Lager Mom – Why Chardonnay Moms Are Superior

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A newly released book about “Tiger Moms” is causing quite a stir in the parenting community. I’m not going to name it, because then you might buy her book instead of mine, and frankly, I think she’s doing okay. And it would just prove that HER mother was right, if she’s more successful than me.

Basically the premise of the book is that the ultimate Autocratic parenting style works best in terms of producing the most successful child. Successful in terms of progressing to higher education, ultimately leading to a better, well-paying job.

I support this. I support children getting out of the house, away to school, and making some money of their own. What I don’t support is the methods which are being recommended in order to achieve this. While Tiger Mom might try to convince you that she rules the roost and what she says goes, the fact of the matter is, if you’re spending 99% of your leisure time forcing your children to practice the violin and to do their homework for three hours a night, I’m pretty sure at this point the kids have taken over your entire life. After all, post-school time and evenings are prime Mommytime that can be spent doing many other things that would in fact enhance the lives of mothers far more than having to sit through boring violin concerts and excruciating valedictorian speeches at high school graduations in the future. (Hey, if it’s your kid up there, you really have to look like you’re listening, not like us carefree texting Moms in the back row.) I’m not sure she’s thinking things through here.

What else could we be doing? Things like, I don’t know…here’s a thought – maybe drinking some wine and HAVING A LIFE of our own.

My youngest daughter took up violin a couple of years ago. Ha! I say HA! Because the joke was totally on me. Not only did it not immediately make her more successful at school, (I’m the product of an instant gratification society, or at least the time it takes me to uncork a bottle), I had nightmares about cats being tortured on the rack, with the sound track to this provided to me by her lovely string stylings. The minute she eked out a version of Happy Birthday to her Dad, I began talking her out of playing it. This particular period of time may have unfortunately dovetailed with the enthusiastic recorder playing by her younger brother. There’s only so much a good glass of Chardonnay can do, folks.

Should kids do their homework? Absolutely. Should a parent have to monitor it for three hours a night? Absolutely not. Unless said monitoring can be done with glass, bottle, or can in hand, from across the room, or preferably, in a different room. Besides teaching children to learn independently, it just gets downright embarrassing when you can’t tell them which of the triangles is hypotenused. Being a Lager Mom takes the pressure off. If that’s what qualifies me for an Inferiority Complex, so be it. Cheers.

Kathy Buckworth is an award winning humour writer. Please remember this when you’re reading this column. Against all odds, her first child is actually attending University. Email me your thoughts Kathy@kathybuckworth.com or follow me on Twitter www.twitter.com/kathybuckworth.  I won’t be busy forcing kids to do homework or replacing violin strings, so I’ll probably answer you.

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About Author

Kathy Buckworth is a mother of four kids, who only has two hands, and one of them is usually holding a glass of Chardonnay. She is also an award winning writer, television personality and public speaker, with numerous publishing credits in both national and local magazines and newspapers. “The Secret Life of SuperMom” was published in 2005, by U.S. publisher, Sourcebooks, and has been published in Chinese, Indonesian, and Polish. “SuperMom: A Celebration of All You Do” was released in April, 2006. “Journey to the Darkside: SuperMom Goes Home” was published by Key Porter in April, 2007, and was nominated for the 2008 Stephen Leacock Medal of Humour (read reviews) “The BlackBerry Diaries: Adventures in Modern Motherhood” was released in April, 2009, by Key Porter, to rave reviews. Kathy traveled across the US and Canada on tour with the BlackBerry Diaries. Her new book, “Shut Up & Eat: Tales of Chicken, Children & Chardonnay” was released by Key Porter in March, 2010, and is available on Amazon.ca or bookstores anywhere. Kathy Buckworth’s latest book, “Shut Up and Eat: Tales of Chicken, Children and Chardonnay” is available at bookstores everywhere. Visit www.kathybuckworth.com or follow Kathy on Twitter at www.twitter.com/kathybuckworth

9 Comments

  1. Thank you for making my day lighter. I’d like hang w/you over a nice chilled glass of chardonnay sometime.

  2. I totally agree with you! I am a laid back mom and my kids (21 in two weeks and 16) are fabulous, well-rounded, and disciplined! Yay for Chardonnay moms!

  3. I’m not an expert on raising kids (is anyone!), but ‘Tiger mom’ feels to me like the academic equivalent of a pageant mom or a stage mother. Go Team Chardonnay! 🙂

  4. I’m a Bourbon Mommy: Sweet and corny with a bite to her. An acquired taste that’ll put hair on your chest. Because isn’t that what we all want? Our sons to grow up to have hair on their chests?

  5. I am a Larger Tiger Mom. My girls are in the school choirs, and my hyper sensitive introvert 8 year old made it to the school talent show this year for the first time, solo singing and dancing “I Got A Feeling” after her friends come and go, after I told her once you decide, stick with it. They both have play dates with friends regularly and are allowed to be on the computer every weekends, of course after finishing homework/projects, studying the exams and practicing the piano. Don’t judge me. 🙂

  6. I never push my kids into anything, but support everything they do and make sure they honor their commitments and learn from their mistakes. I cheer them on from sidelines with a wine glass in my hand willing to help with homework if they need me to. They are 8 and 14 and so far they are doing just fine. GO TEAM Chardonnay Moms!

  7. Kathy Buckworth on

    Yay our Team Chardonnay (and its assorted alcoholic cousins) is getting bigger by the minute. Cheers ladies:)

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