Funny Mummy: Talking Turkey – Celebrating the Small Victories this Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving in Canada comes a whole month earlier than it does south of the border, and for that I am especially thankful.

Mostly because it lands before Halloween, and then allows me to have a full two months to take off the candy and turkey poundage prior to indulging in both once again at Christmas time, just when those jeans finally zip up.

So, in honour of Canadian Thanksgiving, this month’s Funny Mummy column offers up a serving from my latest book, Shut Up and Eat: Tales of Chicken, Children and Chardonnay. Put the turkey in the oven, pour some wine in your glass, pick out your best eating pants, sit back and enjoy this excerpt.

Gobble, Gobble

There are many things to be thankful for when you have children. Here are some that might occur to you, as they do to me, while you’re sitting around the Thanksgiving dinner table with your extended family:

  • Your son didn’t wear his FCUK t-shirt to the dinner table. Grandparents still consider it offensive. And so do I, on a certain level at least.
  • You decided against serving the peas. (You’ve eyeballed at least two slingshots peeking out of shorts pockets.)
    Your kids use so many slang/rap expressions when dissing each other that your parents don’t really know what they’re saying. Including “dissing.”
  • Your mom decided to serve dinner buffet style, so the kids can choose what they like—one piece of broccoli and four pieces of bread? Fine. Don’t care. Sit down and shut up—instead of complaining about their plates full of things they won’t eat. Otherwise, you’d get blamed for both wasting food and not raising your children properly for. Or is that just me?
  • Candied yams are considered a vegetable and not dessert. How (literally) sweet is that?
  • It’s a special occasion, so the calories don’t count.
  • Turkey contains tryptophan, which is known for inducing sleep. You will have a lovely hour-long car ride home if you have an extra coffee and load up hubby’s and children’s plates.

One of the best things about Thanksgiving is that it is a really short holiday. Basically, it lasts for one meal (at least here in Canada, where we do it on a Monday in October, with no real football games or pre-Christmas shopping frenzies to attend to).

Other festive occasions which are mercifully only a day long are children’s birthdays and Halloween. The birthdays seem longer because you have to spend so much time planning them, but the actual event is mercifully short. Likewise Halloween.

And the really good news about Halloween is that you don’t have to bother making dinner that night, or breakfast the next morning. It’s all about the candy. And even if you are the type of parent to force your kids to eat something healthy before they go out trick or treating, rest assured that they’ll shove any nasty dinner down their throat just to get out there. Score.

Yet another thing to feel thankful for.

Excerpted from “Shut Up and Eat: Tales of Chicken, Children and Chardonnay”, by Kathy Buckworth. Published by Key Porter Books, 2010.

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About Kathy Buckworth
Kathy Buckworth is a mother of four kids, who only has two hands, and one of them is usually holding a glass of Chardonnay. She is also an award winning writer, television personality and public speaker, with numerous publishing credits in both national and local magazines and newspapers. “The Secret Life of SuperMom” was published in 2005, by U.S. publisher, Sourcebooks, and has been published in Chinese, Indonesian, and Polish. “SuperMom: A Celebration of All You Do” was released in April, 2006. “Journey to the Darkside: SuperMom Goes Home” was published by Key Porter in April, 2007, and was nominated for the 2008 Stephen Leacock Medal of Humour (read reviews) “The BlackBerry Diaries: Adventures in Modern Motherhood” was released in April, 2009, by Key Porter, to rave reviews. Kathy traveled across the US and Canada on tour with the BlackBerry Diaries. Her new book, “Shut Up & Eat: Tales of Chicken, Children & Chardonnay” was released by Key Porter in March, 2010, and is available on Amazon.ca or bookstores anywhere. Kathy Buckworth’s latest book, “Shut Up and Eat: Tales of Chicken, Children and Chardonnay” is available at bookstores everywhere. Visit www.kathybuckworth.com or follow Kathy on Twitter at www.twitter.com/kathybuckworth

  • Anonymous

    It is an interesting post. Birthday seems longer because you have to spend much time planning, but the fact is true a Short luck. Thanks for sharign with us. 

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