If momma ain’t happy… MOMeo’s 30 Day Challenge continues with Mollie Marti

When I get invited to support other moms – especially those birthing and raising businesses along with their children – I jump at the chance.

My challenge is honing in on a single topic to cover in a short blog.  There are so many areas we need to pay attention to in order for us to thrive as MOMeos.  Common stressors include inadequate amounts of sleep, poor quality diets, mismanaged finances, and insufficient stress outlets.

We need to attend to all of these pieces as part of our ongoing renewal rituals.  Without them…well, you know how it goes: If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.

Chronic stress affects us mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and behaviorally.  Stress hormones released when we make poor choices leaves us feeling disconnected, emotionally unstable, irritable, short-tempered, mentally cloudy, fatigued, overwhelmed … and outright cranky.

Not the ideal state for an empire-building MOMeo!

So what’s a MOMeo to do?

We need to take smart action that provides greater clarity and re-connection to why we do what we do, allowing us to better handle the challenges that surface throughout our day – and help us take better care of those we love.

One exercise I use to make better choices (and thus improve my health, mood, and results) is based on something I learned long before becoming a mom or running my own business.

The 5 “Ws” and the “H”

As a college student majoring in public relations, I spent a lot of time with this formula: identify the who, what, when, where, why, and how.  This remains a powerful starting point today when I want to quickly break down overwhelm and get more clarity about the stress I’m feeling.

Here’s what this process might look like.

Take a deep breath (or two…or three) and ask:

WHO: Who is involved in the stressful situation? Is it your children, your husband/partner, your parents, friends, employees, assistants, or other?

WHAT: What are the circumstances in which you are feeling stressed?  Are you under a deadline, over committed, micromanaging, seeking to please others, trying to control others, disconnected to what you really want, or other?

WHEN: When are you most likely to experience feeling stressed? Is it when you compare yourself to others?  When you lack clarity about your daily goals, or aren’t taking care of yourself?  Before a certain type of event, or at a specific time in your day or specific days of the week?

WHERE: Where are you when feeling stressed?  Are you at the office, at home, running the kids around, looking at a dirty house, spending time in certain activities, or other?

WHY: Why are you experiencing stress? Is it because you’re playing the victim, setting unrealistic expectations, focusing on your faults or limitations, engaging in negative self talk, caving in to your inner critic, or being triggered by other thought patterns?

HOW: How is your body reacting to the stress?  Do you feel a general sense of overwhelm, feel mentally scattered, boil with anger, have heart palpitations, breathe more shallow, or other?

These simple questions can increase your awareness – always the first step to bringing about positive change.  Can you see how this process will help you build momentum as you give greater definition to what you want in your daily life?

Once you uncover how you’re leaking energy and close those negative drains, use these basic questions to discover untapped skills, latent talents and higher aspirations!

Going through this process can highlight all-or-nothing thinking. This sets you up for failure with the expectation that if you are not perfect, you’ve blown the whole thing and all that’s left to do is give up. Stepping back with the objectivity of a reporter allows you to see that fluctuations (you know, those “bad days”) are simply a normal part of life.

This process also can highlight unrealistic expectations.  What is your idea of a good MOMeo? Is it a woman who always looks put together, never loses her cool, has well-behaved and high-achieving children, and manages her home, business and family with grace and ease?

That sounds so…perfect.  And unattainable; as perfect things tend to be!

I’m all about the pursuit of excellence. Set and embrace high standards for yourself and your family.  The key is to do this from inside out.  Get clear about what YOU want, why you want it, and stay connected to your why as you jump into the pursuit of creating what you want.

Relaxing unrealistic expectations acts like a release valve for self-pressure.  Whoosh.  I feel you breathing easier already. 

When you embrace realistic expectations and forge a broader middle ground of “it’s all good,” you will find yourself more engaged in setting goals and taking more consistent action toward what you truly want. You will feel a greater sense of control, which improves your health, self-esteem, resiliency and well-being.

When you allow yourself to be YOU and to be human, you accept that you’ll trip.  Giving yourself a softer place to fall, from inside out, prevents that trip from turning into a full slide down the hill.  Failure becomes an event, not a person.  A set back in one area is contained to that single area. And today’s defeat becomes today’s defeat only…not tomorrow’s too.

The bottom line?  Being a MOMeo isn’t about being a Super Mom.  It’s about being an empowered mom. Next time you feel overwhelmed or stuck, take a step back and apply a reporter’s eye to get your business and life back on track.

Below, let me know what questions you ask as a MOMeo to help you find better answers – or share your best tips for quickly putting challenges in their place and moving FORWARD!

Sign-Up for the 30 Day MOMentum Challenge: 30 Days to Build Unstoppable Momentum

Dr. Mollie Marti is a performance psychologist and founder of BestLifeDesign.com, a life design resource that provides tools, advice, and inspiration in all areas of life design, including health, fitness, relationships, finances, career, spirituality, and success.

Mollie is a successful entrepreneur and coach with a prestigious list of clients, including Olympians and business superstars. She is widely published in academic journals. She also shares her work in peak performance and success in her books, The 12 Factors of Business Success: Discover, Develop and Leverage Your Strengths and Selling: Powerful New Strategies for Sales Success.

As a psychologist, lawyer and trained mediator, Dr. Mollie has years of experience in conflict resolution, negotiation, facilitation, group dynamics, team building and alignment, motivation, performance effectiveness, communication strategies, strategic planning and change management.

With her unique ability to combine the science of success with the art of living well, Mollie is a popular trainer and speaker. She is a frequent resource for local and national media, and has been featured in Self, Newsweek.com, and Parents Magazine, on the Montel Williams show and more. She lives with her husband, 3 children, and large family of pets on an apple orchard in scenic northeast Iowa.  Now this is a woman who really knows how to take a bite out of life!