Momentum Monday – Mean People Suck (Your Energy)…Get Rid of ‘Em!

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The single hardest step forward is leaving other people behind – but sometimes that’s exactly the step you need to take.

Who am I talking about?

Mean people. Needy people. People who will suck your time, your energy and never EVER give back. You know the person I’m talking about (we all have someone in our lives who has GOT to go)!

Four little (very powerful) words…Get rid of ‘em!

True story. And like all true stories – they sound quite harmless…in the beginning.

Another mommy befriended me in the melting pot they call “Mommy and Me” class. Chalk it up to inexperience – I let her insert herself into my life despite all the warning signs.

Warning, warning: not a compatible friend match!

I should have guessed by the in-your-face sales pitch for friendship that I was in trouble. I should have noticed that our friend talks were mainly one-sided and definitely all negative.

I should have noticed that we didn’t share anything in common except for parenthood (and even that was a bit of a stretch)! But I didn’t…

She was a train wreck looking to add other victims to her personal carnage. And finally it became obviously that she had to go. And even though it was necessary – it sucked.

#1: Pay attention to the warning signs – How do you feel when you are around this person? What do other people in your life think about them? Both very good warning signs.

#2: Draw the line – Be honest about your boundaries and draw your line in the sand. If the relationship doesn’t work for you, be honest about it and don’t expect either of you to change.

#3: Cut all ties – If it’s time to say Bye-bye, don’t drag it on with endless discussions about your need to move on. Just move on.

#4: Don’t feed the trolls – Sometimes a graceful exit just isn’t possible, but don’t get sucked into a battle of words.

#5: Focus on your tribe – Focus your energy on the people around you who deserve it – your tribe.

Got a mean person story? Tell us about how you untangled yourself from an unhealthy relationship.

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About Carla Young
Carla Young, MOMeoMagazine.com Publisher If there’s living proof that women can have it all – and then some – it’s Carla Young. Building her multiple businesses on a virtual work-at-home model, Carla is an inspiration to other mothers who want to start a lifestyle business. During her early days as a mom entrepreneur, Carla made every single mistake in the book (and a few new ones for good measure). Realizing that “doing it all” was unhealthy and unsustainable, Carla started by getting organized to the extreme, developing support systems for both her work and family. After other mothers started asking how they too could enjoy her lifestyle, Carla launched MOMeoMagazine.com to support moms at work, at home and at play (because every mommy deserves a little me-time)!

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  • http://sallyg.me Sally G.

    Hi Carla! I call these people SpeedBumps – their sole purpose directed towards slowing your journey at the pace you'd prefer to go. They force you to slow down. The jostle and shake you. They're an annoyance that do, on some level, serve a purpose. For me, SpeedBumps remind me of who I'm not. They give me pause to grow confidence, esteem, a voice, even boundaries. Whatever the lesson ~ SpeedBumps are people too … I thank them (internally) for the personal wake-up – and I move on.

    Energy is such a precious resource to deplete …

  • http://ramartijr.com/about-us/about-michele-corona/ Michele

    Carla, wonderful article. It's incredible the amount of energy we can spend on the “energy suckers”. I was once part of a “mom's club”, and finally got sick of most of the women talking about themselves and gossiping about each other when some of “us” weren't around. Get real. I quit the membership and never looked back. Sure enough, I had my youngest daughter at a local park last week, “we” were on the swings next to a few other moms… who were talking negatively, and gossiping about other moms. I laughed to myself and looked the other way!

  • http://www.jessilicious.com Jess Webb

    Carla – I love your 5 Steps for identifying and removing the energy suckers! :) I recently said bye-bye to a client who was very much an energy sucker. Well, it was partly her, and partly the system she chose to have her website built on, that I then had to try and update. Not a pretty situation! I felt bad leaving her hanging, but had to cut the ties and get my energy and time back to focus on more important things! :)

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  • shosized

    Sally G, great term!

    I'm currently dealing with a speedbump in the office. She seems to pick a 'best friend' every few months and then spends all her time in your office complaining about her last best friend. Extra tough situation when you can't avoid them totally. But, its a lesson and reminder of your personal grace when you do make that cut!

  • LizzieB

    Carla, excellent post! I like to call this the “breaking up” method. There will be people in our lives that suck our will to live and we just need to get rid of them. Breaking up is never fun but boy does it feel good after the sting subsides. Thanks for the reminder about getting rid of the toxic clutter in our lives.

  • http://sallyg.me Sally G.

    Thank you shoesized! I recently read about a technique called Reflect and Redirect that can be used with people like you've described. If I came into your office and said, “Can you believe what Person X just did? Who does she think she is?!?” – you could respond with, “I don't really know her that well but she's always been nice to me.” Not engaging is the key – and you're right … it IS hard when you can't avoid them totally!

  • http://www.befitenough.com Susie Shina

    Carla! love this … the other comments are well-noted too.
    As women, we are nuturers – so easy to fall into the role of nuturing other crazy people. I used to be a total freak magnet and didn't trust my intuition about people because I'm super friendly and wanted to give everyone my best. Now I trust my gut exclusively even if everything 'looks good on paper'.
    Thanks for posting – just forwarded to a friend that's trying to 'break up' with some crazy lady – ha!

  • http://momeomagazine.com/ Carla Young

    Trusting your intuition is so critical!

    I love that “Looks good on paper” — there are so many out there that look good on paper, but YIKES!

  • http://momeomagazine.com/ Carla Young

    Toxic people clutter is so dangerous because we let it so close into our lives! Breaking up with friends is never easy, but sometimes critical to our own mental health!

  • http://momeomagazine.com/ Carla Young

    Reflect and Redirect — kinda like what you do with children? Love that!

    It's so tempting to respond to that negative energy, but you are exactly right, best to not engage and it isn't as rewarding for the negative person!

  • http://momeomagazine.com/ Carla Young

    Energy suckers take many forms – good for you for recognizing and cutting ties to recover your energy!

  • http://momeomagazine.com/ Carla Young

    My favorite adage about those types of women is the ones who gossip about other people TO you will gossip to others ABOUT you!

    Bravo for breaking the tie!

  • http://momeomagazine.com/ Carla Young

    Speed Bumps are such a force in holding other people back because they are simply too afraid to move forward themselves. The best thing you can do for both you and the Speed Bump is move on and force them to follow their own personal growth path.

    You are absolutely right, Sally — energy is a precious resource!

  • http://momeomagazine.com/ Carla Young

    I know…I'm loving the term Speed Bump! It describes those types perfectly!

    Good luck with your office speed bump!

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  • http://imran.com/media/blog/ imrananwar

    Excellent post, Carla. I’d only add that this post is equally relevant to non-mean but simply negative people. It is one thing to become cautious (especially in this economy) by keeping a “I’m hanging in there tone instead of saying “Oh, about to sign a big huge contract” and tooting every potential positive development (because so many often end in disappointment).

    It is another to be a factory of negative energy. I will not name the person I knew for some time who would actually do nothing but complain about how lousy her day at work was at the $150,000 a year job, how she was stuck in traffic in damn Miami traffic where the sun was shining on her convertible Mercedes Benz with the top down, which, damn it, she had to take in for service which will cost her $200….and so on.

    Those people will also suck the energy out of your day, your dreams and your life, if you let them. And, your advice above applies for such cases too.

    Imran
    IMRAN.TV
    http://twitter.com/imrananwar

  • http://imran.com/media/blog/ imrananwar

    Excellent post, Carla. I'd only add that this post is equally relevant to non-mean but simply negative people. It is one thing to become cautious (especially in this economy) by keeping a “I'm hanging in there tone instead of saying “Oh, about to sign a big huge contract” and tooting every potential positive development (because so many often end in disappointment).

    It is another to be a factory of negative energy. I will not name the person I knew for some time who would actually do nothing but complain about how lousy her day at work was at the $150,000 a year job, how she was stuck in traffic in damn Miami traffic where the sun was shining on her convertible Mercedes Benz with the top down, which, damn it, she had to take in for service which will cost her $200….and so on.

    Those people will also suck the energy out of your day, your dreams and your life, if you let them. And, your advice above applies for such cases too.

    Imran
    IMRAN.TV
    http://twitter.com/imrananwar

  • http://empathsolutions.com/ clearing negative energies

    This is a useful post you shared with us here. Negative people always bring negative energy to us and this is not going to be helpful in our everyday living.

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