An Essential Ingredient for Success: How to Do What You Don’t Want to Do-MOMeo’s 30 Day Challenge continues with Dr. Susan Biali
My view of life and business changed forever, after I heard about an interview with an Olympic gold medal-winning athlete. Asked about his practicing habits, he responded:
“It’s very simple, really. I only actually have to practice on two distinct occasions: when I want to – and when I don’t want to.”
When I switched from being a full-time medical doctor to being a media wellness expert, health writer, author, speaker, coach, flamenco and salsa dancer, (and very part-time doctor), I did it because I wanted to be in charge of my life.
I wanted to call the shots and custom-design my ideal schedule. Most of all, I wanted to spend the majority of my life energy and time doing only what I love.
What a dream!
If I felt like moving to Mexico for a few years and spending most of my time dancing flamenco, I did it. If I didn’t feel like working on my book on a particular day, or even a particular year, I didn’t.
During that time, “living a life you love” was only about doing what you love, period, and simply rejecting or avoiding anything that felt like a chore. This worked for a while, and I actually got some pretty good results. I had enough income to live off of, and I’d accomplished many of my dreams.
But here’s the thing: I had bigger dreams. As it turned out, the wall between me and those dreams was this issue of only doing things when I felt like it.
To get to the next level, I would have to:
- get more disciplined about my finances and attend to some things I’d been avoiding
- move back to Vancouver temporarily, to be more accessible to media and to do extra medical work to raise capital
- blog weekly, when I didn’t necessarily feel like it, in order to increase my internet presence (blogging “when I felt like it” was resulting in an average of one post every two months).
It’s one thing to do what you love – I still believe that this is one of the most powerful ways to fill your life with love, joy and purpose that will power you and your business. However, doing what you love, even when you don’t feel like doing it, is what will ultimately bring you the kind of success you dream of. So will doing what you don’t love, in order to make the business you love a success.
How has this worked for me?
Just a couple of years ago I was only really known in national health and wellness circles. Now, I just released my first book, have been receiving grateful letters from readers in several countries, and just booked an interview to appear on one of the top entertainment shows in the world next week.
To truly give what you love the best chance for success – love what you do, but do what you don’t love when you have to.
What do you need to do, that you don’t want or love to do, in order to take your business and life to the next level? I would love to know!
Comment below and let me know what you struggle with, feel free to ask me questions, and I’ll do my best to give you whatever advice and encouragement I can.
Sign-Up for the 30 Day MOMentum Challenge: 30 Days to Build Unstoppable Momentum
Dr. Susan Biali, M.D. is an internationally recognized medical doctor, wellness expert, life coach, and flamenco dancer. She has performed for and taught celebrities, and speaks and dances across North America. She blogs for PsychologyToday.com and her opinions appear in international media such as FoxNews, MSNBC, Self Magazine, Cosmopolitan Magazine, and The Chicago Tribune. Her book, Live a Life You Love: 7 Steps to a Healthier, Happier, More Passionate You, has just been released.
Stay Still: your forward progress depends on it – MOMeo’s 30 Day Challenge continues with Allison Nazarian
Because thinking and writing are apparently what I do very best in this world, I was giving some serious thought to the word “Momentum.”
Momentum is all about action. Motion. Movement. Progression. Getting and going from here to there, and then another there and another there.
So what is the opposite of momentum?
When you are not moving and doing and pushing and progressing, what are you doing?
Are you….(gasp!) stuck?
Or…are you still?
“Be still and know who you are.” This quote is one of my favorites. It’s about taking – making – the time to stop. No movement. No doing. No lists or musts or motion.
Just being.
The kind of being that can be really, really scary for those of us who are total Movement Junkies. For those of us who thrive on doing and moving, not doing and not moving can feel….weird.
And strange.
And uncomfortable.
And so, well, the opposite of momentum.
Because what happens, sometimes or even oftentimes, is we define ourselves by the fact that we are always doing and moving. It becomes important to our lives and intrinsic to who we are (in our own minds) to always be creating and sustaining momentum.
So whether we stop by choice or are forced to stop, we must eventually confront the big truths about momentum:
- We are not our movement or action. Conversely, our movement and our action are not us. (Subset of that would be: We are not our To-Do Lists.)
- Our sense of self should not be tied to our ability to be more efficient or faster or more productive than anyone else.
- When the need or desire to be in action is all you remember about why you are doing this action in the first place, then perhaps that becomes the time to examine – like really examine, with the magnifying, lighted mirror that shows all the pores and crow’s feet – the real reasons, excuses, feelings or issues behind the action.
- Burning through all tasks and responsibilities and “stuff” is not actually, when you really look at it, living. It is, well, burning through life.
Funny enough, it can take stillness to avoid stuckness.
Think about that one.
So now you may be thinking, “OK, maybe I do need to be still more. And maybe I will learn to appreciate still for what it is; that is, something other and entirely different than ‘stuck’….but how do I create ‘still’?”
As a recovering Action-a-holic, I can tell you there were times I likely would not have known “still” had it hit me over the head.
I know I’m not alone. When my kids actually have some downtime (imagine that!), inevitably, at least one of them will complain, “Mom, I’m bored.”
My answer is always the same: “Good, be bored. Enjoy it.”
Which, of course, is always met with a scrunched-up face that loosely means, “Mom is a weirdo.”
Truth is, though, being still is often far more difficult than being in action. Because you can be in action for action’s sake. Whereas being still for still’s sake?
Exactly. That’s the whole point.
I can’t tell you what being still would look like for you. It is different for each of us. I can tell you that when I am truly still…when I am sitting in my backyard looking at the water in the lake behind my house, for instance, then my best ideas, my best comfort, my best intuition and my best love all come to the surface.
The real me – the one that is weird and cool and funny and idea-filled and ambitious – is able to make its way out from under the To-Do List and the need for speed and running, running, running.
I know that what I truly need always comes up for me when I am still. I also know that being still and getting still and (it sounds weird, I know) finding time to be still can be very difficult.
Not just logistically…but emotionally. People who do all the time find it challenging to plan to not do. To accept that it is OK to not do. To not feel guilty or silly or worthless when they are not doing.
For you, being still may be meditating. It may be about going to the beach or reading a book. It may be sipping your tea or rocking out to your favorite band or playing guitar or even driving without a destination.
Or, you may not even know (yet) what it looks like for you, because it has been so darn long since you were actually still on purpose. And that’s okay. Today represents a whole new chance to just be…still. Actually, to just be is enough!
At the end of the day, action is not momentum and momentum is not action. You’re either moving forward or you are moving in an endless hamster wheel.
So…just do it. Go be still….And let me know below what being still means to you or how you plan to incorporate still going forward.
Sign-Up for the 30 Day MOMentum Challenge: 30 Days to Build Unstoppable Momentum
Allison Nazarian is widely known as one of the most honest and innovative voices in marketing, blogging and the online world today.
In 2001, Allison founded Get It In Writing, Inc., providing copywriting and marketing services and consulting to businesses throughout the world. Now as principal of Allison Nazarian Unlimited, Allison focuses on: 1) training and mentoring other copywriting professionals; 2) coaching and teaching how to write copy that sells; and 3) managing copywriting and ghostwriting projects, including blogs and blog ghostwriting; video scripting, book authoring/ghostwriting and copywriting for social media.
Allison is the author of Copywriting 101 for Small Businesses, Entrepreneurs, Coaches and Consultants and One Minute Copywriter. She has been featured in the Wall Street Journal, INC and Fortune Small Business. Allison writes on entrepreneurial life, working from home, working moms and real life uncensored for Entrepreneur.com, Current Mom and other publications.
Allison tells people she is an “empire-builder by day (and night) and a Mom by night (and day).” Originally from the Washington, D.C. area, Allison is a walker, reader, football fan and someday-bookstore owner who lives in Florida with her son, daughter and Black Lab.
Visit her at www.AllisonNazarian.com
Love your life – Dr. Susan Biali covers all the bases
With a doctorate of Medicine and a Bachelor’s of Science in Dietetics from the University of British Columbia, Dr. Susan Biali is perhaps the best-educated flamenco dancer in the world.
In addition to her part-time medical and coaching practice, Dr. Biali dances on international stages. She had her own flamenco and salsa dance company in Los Cabos, Mexico, from 2006 to 2009, and has danced for celebrity and has also given private dance lessons to singer/songwriter Pink.
Last but certainly not least, Dr. Biali is also an author. She writes columns for several prominent magazines and websites (including MOMeo Community), and her book Live a Life you Love, 7 Steps to a Healthier, Happier, More Passionate You hits book stands everywhere on March 1st – or on her site at www.livealifeyoulovebook.com.
MOMeo: This must be very exciting for you – your book is available next week. Tell us a little about it.
Dr. Susan Biali: Of course! The full title is Live a Life you Love, 7 Steps to a Healthier, Happier, More Passionate You. Basically how I came up with it, is me! (laughs) I changed my life so dramatically. I was an emergency medicine resident…
MOMeo: I always forget you were a doctor!
Dr. Susan Biali: Tell me about it! Now, I’m a dancer, speaker, author, I love my life now. My life then felt so completely different. My overall sense of optimism, my energy, down to the way I feel energized when I get out of bed every morning – everything is just so improved. So, I decided to write a book specifically about how anyone can improve their own lives on seven levels.
MOMeo: Without giving the book away for free, what would you say is best single piece of advice?
Dr. Susan Biali: Well, for entrepreneurs – moms especially, who are so busy, just go go go, all the time – what I recommend, is taking time to stop completely and detach from the responsibilities of day to day life. That’s a consistent theme through the whole book.
MOMeo: You must get some pushback on that one. (laughs)
Dr. Susan Biali: I know it sounds airy fairy! I’ve experienced this myself: when we’re too busy, we create distance from who we are – really are – inside. What moves us, brings us joy, what the body is telling us.
MOMeo: Can you give me an example of that?
Dr. Susan Biali: Well, you can hear me sniffling through this cold! (laughs) I’ve been pushing too hard lately, and my body is out of balance. That happens quite often with we entrepreneurs; it’s wonderful to be so passionate about your business, your “new baby.” But that passion can push you over the edge and you can be spread way too thin. It’s vital to remember the 3 fundamental balance basics.
First, and I know it’s hard, but try to get 8 hours of sleep. A recent study in moms showed additional sleep made the greatest single improvement in their quality of life. An extra of hour sleep per night was worth $60,000 in more income. Hard to believe, but true.
Second, making sure you eat throughout the day, starting with breakfast. We tend to skim, rush – but have to be there for yourself. Third and finally, exercise. I know it feels so cliché, but it’s so little. It doesn’t have to be a huge workout. Most days for me, my exercise consists of just walking the dog for 20 minutes – but it makes such a difference. Studies have shown 20 minutes of moderate exercise creates a mood boost; emotional stability that lasts for 12 hours afterwards.
MOMeo: So if having a cold is evidence you’re asking too much of your body, feeling unmotivated is evidence you’re doing the wrong thing with your day?
Dr. Susan Biali: Yes. You’ve got to stop and listen to yourself; ask where you’ve gone astray. Most of the time, we don’t stop and pay attention.
MOMeo: is that what happened to you?
Dr. Susan Biali: Totally! During my research scholarship, a very successful person told me it was ridiculous to just be a dietician. Instead, I should be a surgeon, GP (doctor), dentist or lawyer. Otherwise, it would be a waste, you know? But, here’s the thing: I don’t like to touch people!
MOMeo: That’s not good for a GP!
Dr. Susan Biali: Not at all! When he told me thought, I thought: eew! That’s an authentic response; me saying “I don’t want to do.” My society-trained, conditioned brain took over then. I told myself, this man had a point; he’s brilliant man, he knows more about life, and logically, his advice made great sense. But for me – the real me, that went “eew” – it was totally the wrong choice. Culture pushes us to be driven by norms, where it’s normal for a person with a doctorate in medicine to be a surgeon or something like that. It’s more comfortable that way.
MOMeo: Okay, that sounds great – but let’s say I yearn to be a (ice hockey) goalie. No matter how much I want to play for the Calgary Flames, it’s not going to happen. Deep down, everyone wants to be a quarterback, or movie star, right? How can people get there?
Dr. Susan Biali: Studies have shown people always assume (other) people want the same things they do – but that’s so very wrong. Variety is mind boggling – and it’s so revealing. You’d be amazed what people’s true passions are.
But let’s say it’s something really hard to accomplish. One of the most common ones – more than you’d think – is people decide “I want to be singer.” Of course, the killjoy pipes up and says it’s really hard to be famous, why bother, that sort of thing. But some people when they take the steps towards what they want to do, have just the most unbelievable experience as a result of following that path.
I mean, I started flamenco at 30, and since then I’ve performed for major celebs, and otherwise done quite well – what are the odds of that? You have to consider the flipside – maybe a goalie doesn’t have the stature or skill to play in the Olympics, but they can have the time of their life going to hockey camp.
MOMeo: So you’d agree it’s better to try and maybe fail?
Dr. Susan Biali: Totally. People who have succeeded have found they’ve failed constantly on the way. They’ll tell you if you’re not failing, you’re only slowing yourself down. You’re not aiming high.
MOMeo: What do you say to people who feel tied down to their situation? Let’s say a single mom has an OK job but really wants to launch her own business, but just doesn’t feel she can justify the risk?
Dr. Susan Biali: I would say: start with small steps. You can certainly do that. There’s a very strong gut instinct there; you might be burning bridges and you’ll sink or swim. I mean, I haven’t even had guts to completely do that – I still work part-time as physician. It came in handy in downturn, when my husband lost his job. We were quite stuck. Besides, so many employers support these steps, and are happy to support people wanting to run or start businesses in addition to their “real job.” Get creative, and you’llbe amazed by things that happen.
MOMeo: Finally, where can MOMeos find your book?
Dr. Susan Biali: I’m so fortunate – it will be a Barnes & Noble front of store feature in March. I had great success with that – I learned a book is a business. You can’t rely on your publisher (although mine is great) to do all your marketing; you have to drive most of it yourself.
MOMeo: Thanks for your time today – and best wishes!
Dr. Susan Biali: Thank you so much! Any time!
How To Pitch a Magazine: MOMeo’s Managing Editor Weighs In
So you want to be a magazine contributor – good for you! As far as I’m concerned, there is no more noble enterprise.
(Admittedly I am somewhat biased, but still.)
As you might expect, it’s not just as easy as sending in your article. There’s no guidebook, no code, no secret handshake – and every magazine is different.
That said, there are some general tips that apply across the board.
#1. Refine your idea.
True story: when I was a columnist for the Calgary Herald, a woman I won’t name asked if I would put in a good word. She wanted to write a column about “possibility.”
Seriously.
I did everything I could not to burst out laughing. No way would I embarrass myself with the Editor in Chief, asking about a column on “possibility.” I would have been wasting both my time and his, at the cost of my credibility.
The worst part? This woman should have known better. She owned and published (and I believe, still does) her own magazine, distributed in three countries.
You’d be amazed how many pitches I see that basically say “I want to write an article about being a single mom.” Great. What about being a single mom? That’s an impossibly broad topic.
The more focused your idea is, the better your article will be. It also gives the editor a better picture of the direction you want to go.
As a general guideline, try to refine your idea twice before sending it. Here’s a completely hypothetical example:
First: Mayor Jane Brown
Better: Mayor Jane Brown is in danger of losing the next election
Best: Losing the suburban vote may cost Mayor Jane Brown the next election
#2. Is your idea a good fit?
Say you’ve got a great idea for an article on baseball. A magazine dedicated to mom entrepreneurs may not be a great fit. You can try and tweak your idea to fit a magazine’s target audience, or you can just submit your idea to the editors of Sports Illustrated instead.
Can you do both? Absolutely. But if you don’t see any similar stories in the magazine, you should explain why you think your story idea is a good fit.
#3. Think Ahead
Most magazines plan and work at least two months in advance. This creates the illusion that we’re always prepared. Online magazines have shorter timeframes, but we still work ahead.
What does that mean for you, the prospective contributor? You have to think ahead, too. If you’ve got an amazing Christmas recipe you want published, December 15 is far too late. The early bird gets published.
#4. Don’t go into too much detail
Here’s another ultra-top secret: editors are lazy.
Well, not so much lazy as busy. Consider: how do you deal with four-page emails from strangers? With skepticism and an eye roll, right? Or maybe you just delete them right away?
Your initial query letter shouldn’t exceed one page – for any reason.
#5. Include some samples
There’s no nice way to put this, so brace yourself.
Ready?
There’s an excellent chance you’re a horrible writer.
Okay, I said it. Don’t be shocked, and more importantly, don’t be offended. Not everyone can or should write. But if you’re asking and intending to be published, you should be at least competent.
But Maclean, you ask, what if I don’t have any samples? To get published, you need to be published already? Isn’t that a catch-22?
This used to be a big problem, admittedly. Not anymore. Virtually everyone has their own website, or at least a blog. It’s perfectly okay to include that. Contrary to what you might think, I’m less interested in where you were published than the quality. If that means self-published material, fine.
You probably want to know the magic number of samples to include, don’t you? Well, there isn’t one. Three is a reasonable number, but that doesn’t mean you should panic if you only include two.
#6. Before sending, double-check your pitch. Then triple-check it.
If you’re asking to be published as a writer, it’s not unfair to expect a grasp of language. That means no spelling mistakes, no typos, no bad grammar.
Also, double-check your editor’s name. As you can imagine, I’ve seen every conceivable variation on “Maclean Kay.” I try not to be offended when I get mail addressed to Miss Kaye McLean, I really do. But it’s usually a quick way to tell whether someone doesn’t pay too much attention to detail.
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- I love that @AlyPain tells it like it is --> STOP Blaming Your Children - Why YOUR Failure Isn't THEIR Fault - http://t.co/LPo51mgI
- Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says, "Make me feel important." ~Mary Kay Ash
