#MOMeoChat: Back to School Resolutions – Starting Fresh for a New School Year
Q1: How do you use the fresh start of a new school year to make changes?
@CarlaYoung Q1: The new school year seems like a better time than New Years…it follows a long break from habits and the opp for fresh start
@CarlaYoung Q1: Ditch all the old habits and consider what new ones you’d like to start!
@HappyFamMvmt We get back on a routine! Summer is chaos around here. Back to school means consistent bedtimes and more organization!
@OrganizerBoards Q1 – it’s easy to form new routines around a set school schedule
@HappyFamMvmt: We get back on a routine! Summer is chaos. Back to school means consistent bedtimes and more organization!
@CarlaYoung Q1: I go to the gym, I spring clean the house I make food for a month and finally get back on track with work
@OrganizerBoards Q1 – school starting also allows me to mentally focus on work and not multitask when kids are home
@alyciaedgar Q1. Getting back into routine. I also like to add a new “you’re a bigger kid now” responsibility for my kids
Q2: What are your Back to School resolutions for your business?
@HappyFamMvmt I will make a meal plan… I will make a meal plan… I will make a meal plan (and then I will follow it)
@OrganizerBoards Q2 – Work smarter – and more effectively during work time – focus – and stop work when work should stop!
@HappyFamMvmt Get caught up. And get to cracking on all these awesome ideas we’ve had in the works all summer long.
@CarlaYoung Q2: Be more focused and productive and really REALLY protect my time!
@JeannieSpiro I up my education in the fall, just like the kids
@alyciaedgar Q2. Focus, focus, focus on existing projects and mapping out of all implementable ideas generated during time off
@OrganizerBoards Q2 – Also – plan for new work projects more – don’t start too many that I can’t finish
@BalanceMyLife q2: work smarter work less enjoy life more – the ultimate balance
Q3: What are your Back to School resolutions for personal life?
@CarlaYoung: Q3: Get fit and get over my back injury (I hate not being able to do things)
@HappyFamMvmt Q3: Meal plan. More play time with the kids. Get everything in the house organized (can you tell I like to organize?!)
@YourDoulaBag Q3: book babysitters for date nights with husband
@HappyFamMvmt Q3: more exercise, more sleep… oh there are SO many things on this list!
@BalanceMyLife @CarlaYoung q2: work smarter work less enjoy life more – the ultimate balance which I am still trying to find myself
@HartGalla Q3:#goodcleanliving. Have a meal plan for the next 3 months, fitness plan, date night plan and quality time focus
@BalanceMyLife #momeochat Q3: back to the gym Full blast I love it
Q4: What are your Back to School resolutions for your family?
@CarlaYoung Q4: Teaching both husband and daughter about routines — packing school bag, lunch, etc. the night before
@HappyFamMvmt Q4: get the kids used to routines and schedules, enough sleep for the kids.
@HappyFamMvmt Q4: (this is a constant resolution in our house) creating memorable family experiences. Seeing how back to school fits in to that
@OrganizerBoards Q4 – have fun together!
@YourDoulaBag Q4: school nights try to eat together & bedtime by 8pm.Weekends do fun things we don’t usually do. #
@JeannieSpiro We purged & organized before school started, so staying that way
@CarlaYoung Q4: Husband and I are spending a lot of time thinking about lifestyle choices…really awesome dialogue to start
@HappyFamMvmt Q4: be THERE for our kids… breakfast together, lunch on Fridays with our 1st grader, bike rides to school
@YourDoulaBag Back to Q4: want to spend more one on one time with each child. They love it so much.
Q5: What new habits would you like to establish for Back to School?
@HappyFamMvmt Q5 make a meal plan, grocery shop for the meal plan, and actually follow through with it
@OrganizerBoards Q5 Getting up early so getting ready for school isn’t a mad dash! So far so good!
@CarlaYoung Q5: Getting everyone involved in family organization and protecting my office time…oh and boundaries
@HelpWeveGotKids Early wake up!
@YourDoulaBag Q5: big kids make own lunches & are responsible for practicing instruments daily.clothes out night before too.
@HappyFamMvmt Q5: Dedicated work hours for hubby & I. Then maybe we could take a night off instead of working 7 nights a week!
@kmohara A: An early bedtime. And calm morning
@BalanceMyLife @HappyFamMvmt so hard to leave work behind when it is in your face – my resolution is to turn the light off at 3:30
@HartGalla Running every morning. Working with the kids on clean up responsibility. Practicing reading & writing nightly
Q6: What bad habits would you like to ditch for Back to School?
@YourDoulaBag Q6: allowing myself to work past midnight.
@OrganizerBoards Q6 – Skipping breakfast! I need to eat with the kids! bad mommy habit!
@kmohara A6: Keep the tv off when we get home. We have a narrow window as it is – should spend it together
@CarlaYoung Q6: Booking too many meetings and calls!
@BalanceMyLife Q6: drinking wine – eating too much
@HappyFamMvmt Q6 – Cereal for dinner
@HartGalla A6: Being glued to my phone when my kids are around or working at dinner. Step back. Be present
Q7: How important is it to include your family in your resolutions?
@CarlaYoung Q7: I love the idea of creating a family vision to get them onside and teach about goal setting and priorities
@HartGalla HUGE! For everything. How do they change if they don’t know the New World Order?
@OrganizerBoards Q7 – very important! They need be on board to make it happen
@BalanceMyLife @MOMeo Q7: monkey see monkey do! If they see you do it they will do it too!
@CarlaYoung Q7: Making a decision in a vacuum never works. No one sticks with it and you lose energy for it
@kitandcaboodle Less computer?
@CarlaYoung One personal resolution I made was to get more massages…that’s easy to stick to!
@YourDoulaBag Main resolution is to get out there & live! Whether that means having fun w/ kids or pushing the limits w/my biz. Go 4it.
Q8: How do you start making changes to your daily habits?
@CarlaYoung Q8: Force the habit until it becomes second nature. It takes time to change behaviour
@OrganizerBoards Q8 – I just jump in and try to keep them going … if you fall off the wagon just get back on the next day
@HeatherSBroad Q8 – make a conscious decision to stick with it and keep the end goal in mind!
@HappyFamMvmt Q8 – just doing it till it sticks. And putting it in plain sight helps too. We’ve got boards all over the kitchen with lists!
@CarlaYoung @HappyFamMvmt Love that idea of visual reminders
@OrganizerBoards Q8 – if you are constantly missing resolutions though it is time to reevaluate them
@Tara_Nelson Q8 words & thoughts become actions. Tell people your goals. And write and post them everywhere!
@CakeMechanic stop trying to live by other people’s rules.what works for Me works..don’t feel need to live up to a “criteria” happy me = happyu
@BalanceMyLife Q8: I make a list, if it is on paper I have to do it, makes me accountable!
@HappyFamMvmt we have a dry erase board on the fridge and write today’s to do list on it. new resolutions (i.e. workout) are there every day
@HartGalla Keep trying. If u have a relapse to bad habits, start again the next day. Don’t lapse, relapse, then collapse
@HappyFamMvmt Q8: the more you do it, the more it becomes second nature. Plus I HATE not crossing things off the list!
@kmohara A8: You make change by taking action. Start with manageable goals until you reach your habit goals.
Q9: How do you hold yourself accountable and make your resolutions stick?
@Tara_Nelson Q9 again, make sure to share your plans and goals. Your support system will help you stay accountable.
@CarlaYoung Q9: Don’t turn a little setback into failure. Get back on the wagon!
@HappyFamMvmt Q9: get your spouse on board. Hubby & I push each other to stay on our goals.
@OrganizerBoards Q9 – always thing about the results – the benefits of making the resolutions happen
@CakeMechanic allowing things to go has made it easier but having a strict timetable dinner6pm,bedtime7pm surprisingly simpler for us all.
@HappyFamMvmt Q9 – get the kids on board too – one day I didn’t want to workout, but told the kids we couldn’t go swimming unless I did
@OrganizerBoards Q9 – Also – celebrating successes without going back to bad habits
@BalanceMyLife Q9: make lists and tell my friends and family what My resolutions are – I don’t like to disappoint.
@HappyFamMvmt Q9 – I love lists and checking stuff off.
Q10: What do you do when you find yourself slipping back into old habits?
@CarlaYoung Q10: Being aware is key…then you need to get back on track or reevaluate if you are truly committed to the goal
@OrganizerBoards Q10 – have a list of why you are making the changes to start with – and refer to that list
@HappyFamMvmt Q10 – You have to remind yourself how much better it is to keep up with your resolutions. And force yourself to stick with them
@CakeMechanic #momeochat I had to set alarms so I don’t forget pick up from school
@BalanceMyLife @CarlaYoung @momeo Q10: i am hard on myself for a bit (i know very bad) and then I get back on the wagon very quickly
@HappyFamMvmt Google calendar is fabulous for helping us keep up with everything we have going on.
@GoSystemsGirl I have alarms to tell me 10mins til out the door and important alerts for day before
@GoSystemsGirl alerts and alarms on my iphone save me
From our Readers: How Do you Balance your Work Life and your Family Life?
Dr. Seuss tells us “that Life’s a Great Balancing Act” and no one knows this more than entrepreneurial moms! As we are constantly juggling several balls in the air at the same time, striking a balance between our work life and family life is always front and centre in our daily lives.
So we wanted to know: How Do you Balance your Work Life and your Family Life?
Heather Lopez Happy and Healthy Mom /Super Mom Entrepreneur Conference & Expo
“By wearing sturdy shoes on the tightrope. But seriously, every day is a new day. Sometimes you ROCK everything, get it done, & reach the other side. Sometimes you wobble a litttle or even fall off. What matters is that you get back on and keep trying.”
Amy Charette Godiva’s Toy Chest
“Stay focused! I stick to the task at hand until it’s finished whether it be a work task or helping with homework. Jumping back and forth divides focus on both fronts and everyone looses (esp me). Work stuff has loose ends and the kids feel I am not truly paying attention. I schedule specific work days where my youngest goes to Nana’s house and I also plan out of the house family activities so the lure of my computer isn’t there.”
Robyn Turnbull Giddy Giddy Up and Grow
“This is a question I get asked all the time. I have 2 kids under the age of 4, and balance is my biggest issue. I work from home so a lot of the time I find my work starts to blend into my family time. I am constantly reminding myself to keep the two as separate as possible. Right now I try to limit myself to working during nap times and when my oldest is at school. I wish there was an easy, one-step answer for this question, but I bet you’ll find everyone’s answer is different and so is the solution.”
Dandy Civitarese Creative Memories
“I have two children, age 7 and 2, and have a hairsalon in the home, and I am an independent Creative Memories consultant. I take full advantage of nap time, and bed time. I keep the hairsalon to 3 nights per week, and my CM work to nap time and after bed time. Weekends/stat holidays are always kept open for family time, and I try very hard to follow the school schedule as well. I write everything down so I constantly know a good month or two in advance what needs to be done, and where everyone needs to be.”
Sheri Harke Bruneau Get it Together
“I run my own business and have two teenagers in the house. I balance my work life and home life by setting “working hours.” I could spend hours and hours on my business, but I know that my family needs me AND I need my family. This keeps my family, and I balanced!”
Tara Ogg Chaput The Foodie and the Family
“I am fortunate that my ‘work’ is my family life. I get to cook and bake all day for the people I love most. Then I get to share with others so they can do the same! My philosophy is there is always time in the day for a batch of freshly baked cookies!”
Terrill D Young Awesome Toy Box
“I use a time balance schedule, with color coding to identify family time, work time, me time and business time. It makes it easy for me to see when I get time with my family so I don’t feel guilty when I’m working as I know they are getting plenty of my attention. It also allows me to fully focus on the task I am doing, making my days more productive.”
Want to be one of our readers featured in an upcoming From our Readers? Visit our Entrepreneurial Moms facebook fan page on Wednesdays for the next From our Readers Question of the Week.
Mommy Mojo: How Mommy Completely and Utterly LOST her Coolness!
ARG! How did this happen to ME? I promised myself it would NEVER happen! Never as in never-EVER! What you ask? Rewind a few years, picture this and then you’ll know what I mean:
“How can someone be SO weird?” I remember thinking that to myself whenever my mom would randomly break out her ‘groovy’ dance in the kitchen. Right there – where people could see her! “Pfft…so uncool.”
And then it happened…
Not suddenly. More like a slow downward spiral. Eventually not recognizing the latest hits on the radio. Needing a coworker to define a word that the “kids” use to refer to this or that. Finally, wearing stretchy pants out in public (“Eew…where people can actually see you” as my former self would say).
And then the dreaded words…
From a scrunchy-faced preschooler, “Mommy, you look weird!”
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
The problem: Mommy is a frizzy-haired, overtired and underpampered version of her former self! The self that had time to spend at the spa, the self that had girlfriend time, the self that could bath (or even pee) without a little person bursting in!
The solution: A day dedicated to mommy mojo! That day is Friday so watch for weekly posts about your health, fitness, fashion and of course, finding your mommy mojo!
MOMeo Chat: Work-Life Balance
Work-Life Balance
Defining your Boundaries
***NOTE Earlier Time This Week***
THIS WEEK: Thursday May 6th at 6pm MTN / 8 pm EST
Finding that delicate work-life balance requires defining (and often defending) your boundaries. How do you maintain work-life boundaries when often you are required to shift between the two many times a day!
Join #MOMOeo Community for an open Q&A discussion on defining work-life boundaries. Share your best tips and discuss how we can maintain the delicate balance!
Stay for the Official After Party from 8 pm MTN / 10 pm EST to 9 pm MTN / 11 pm and get to know your fellow #MOMeoChat participants!
About #MOMeoChat Twitter Hashtag Parties!
Every week on Thursday from 6 pm MTN / 8 pm EST, join MOMeo Community and MOMeo Magazine for #MOMeoChat on Twitter!
Every week, we will bring you expert panelists to talk about and answer YOUR questions on building your business, family and household management and finding a little playtime time for yourself!
Good fences make good business: Setting boundaries should be the first task for any new MOMeo. Amy Lupold Bair explains why – and how
When I made the transition from stay-at-home mom to work-at-home mom, I did so with very little fanfare.
A couple of social media-savvy friends saw the occasional Facebook status update that revealed my new secret life as a blogger. When I began working in social media marketing, a few more noticed that I sometimes turned down engagements with the excuse, “I have to work.”
Despite the clues, it took well over a year for many of my local friends to realize I had built a business and was working essentially full time – although at odd hours of the day and night.
Why the Confusion?
For many work-at-home moms, defining our jobs to friends and family is a difficult task. We spend just as much time justifying why we’re “always on the computer” as we do explaining the details of our work. While a former teacher returning to the classroom can simply share her exciting news with friends, a work from home MOMeo has to explain why what she does even qualifies as a job. Appearing at the bus stop, a mid-day moms’ group activity, or school pick-up in old jeans and a t-shirt further confuses friends and teachers. What are you?
The Problem: Boundaries
One of the most difficult side effects of choosing the life of a what-is-she-doing-anyway-work-at-home-mom is the complete lack of boundaries. My phone rings just as frequently with calls from friends and family as it did before I began my business. I have difficulty explaining why I cannot attend mother/child activities as frequently, and saying the dreaded word “no” to volunteer requests has become more and more problematic, as I’ve had to say it more often.
How to Draw the Line
Set office hours.
Allocate specific days and times for work. Certainly this doesn’t mean you can only work during allotted times, but defining a work schedule and sharing it with friends and family will not only keep social calls at bay, but push you to work more efficiently.
Introduce yourself as a working mom.
When my daughter began preschool, my full-time job was nursing her very clingy four-month-old brother. That was how the school met and knew me. When said daughter began kindergarten this year, I was sure to include on all pertinent forms that I was a business owner, self-employed, not always available. My children’s elementary school will never know me as anything other than a mom who also works from home.
Schedule breaks.
I chat with my father on the phone most days. By calling when I know I have time, I am less likely to get sucked into a conversation when I really need to be working on a client’s project.
Be consistent.
If you tell friends and family you are unable to take personal calls between 9:00 and 1:00 on Monday, then not only take those calls but also indulge in lengthy personal conversations, you’re sending the message you are not prioritizing your work time. If that is the case, it’s difficult to ask others to do the same.
Say no.
Running a business and a family can give a woman a sense of what it is to “do it all.” But the truth is we cannot do it all. Choose the work and community obligations that fit best, and simply say no to the others. By refusing to overschedule, there’s less chance of work life bleeding into the personal, and vice versa.
Include your partner.
There have been many nights when I’ve gotten up from my desk to help my husband with our two fussing children. Then one day I threatened to drop our three-year-old son off at my husband’s office during his work hours because I “could use a little help here.” Get your partner on board. Work together to define the boundaries that are the best fit for your life.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to take this client call while I brush my son’s teeth…
How do you set boundaries in your life? Comment below and join the conversation.
Amy Lupold Bair is a sometimes freelance writer, a former pro-blogger and an entrepreneurial social media marketer in the DC metro area – not to mention a stay-at-home mom to two little ones.
Since mid-2008, Amy has covered a variety of topics including parenting tips, organizational strategies, product reviews and recommendations at her site, Resourceful Mommy. While working as Chief Blogger for Family Eden’s blog, Amy invented promotional Twitter parties called sitewarmings. This developed into SiteWarming Parties by Resourceful Mommy, where she promotes clients through Twitter SiteWarming℠ parties as well as through product giveaway contests. These events helped land her on the list of Most Influential and Powerful Women in Social Media – 2008.
In early 2009, Amy created the word-of-mouth mom marketing and public service campaign network, Global Influence, which includes over 800 social media-savvy men and women. Amy has worked on projects for brands such as Schwinn, Kellogg’s, and Hasbro, and on public service campaigns such as Speak Now for Kids and the Ad Council’s LATCH initiative with the NHTSA.
Amy often speaks at conferences on topics ranging from Social Media/Marketing to Power Tweeting. She has also appeared as the featured guest on several Blog Talk Radio shows including Chicks Who Chat and Classy Mommy Live , and has been interviewed by a number of popular websites including Kelly McCausey’s Mom Masterminds marketing network and Profitable Mommy Blogging podcast. You can also catch Amy as a returning guest on Living $MART on WUSA9, the CBS news affiliate to the Washington, DC, market.
MOMeo Kitchen: Recipe Swap – Crockpot Cooking
If it’s possible to love, Love, LOVE an appliance, then that’s EXACTLY how I feel about my crockpot.
In fact, whenever my husband eyes the counter space occupied by my somewhat rotund beloved, I give him a dirty look and say that HE doesn’t understand our relationship.
Oh the bliss of quickly plopping in random ingredients at lunchtime to spend the afternoon in my office with the smells of my favorite comfort food simmering away. And the relief to wrap-up a busy day, knowing that dinner is already done.
Oh my love – how I adore you! Ahem…sorry about that! Back to my point…
Seriously. My crockpot is the key to my survival as a mompreneur. Balancing work and family commitments means that both need to get a LOT simpler and cutting out a night of cooking is one way to do it.
Calling all crockpot lovers! Unite and share your favorites!
Join me in sharing your favorite crockpot recipes in the comments below! The best ones will be featured in our next MOMeo Kitchen recipe feature!
BBQ Pulled Pork Sandwiches
Pork roast (shoulder or tenderloin)
1 onion sliced
1 can diced tomatoes
¼ cup chicken stock (or to cover)
1 bottle BBQ sauce
Place pork in the crockpot and add onions, tomatoes, chicken stock and half the BBQ sauce. Cook until pork is fork-tender and shreds easily (5 to 6 hours on high or 7 to 8 hours on low).
Remove pork from liquid and shred. In a separate saucepot, combine the remaining BBQ and 2 cups of the onion tomato mixture. Thicken over medium heat (puree if desired).
Add to the shredded pork and serve on crusty rolls.
Don’t forget to share a bit about your recipe – why you love it, when you use it and what you serve with it (oh…and tell us your name and your business too)!
MOMeo 30 Day Challenge: Time Management Tips for Busy Business Owners
Here’s a question I get asked all the time:
“I don’t know how you do it, Alicia…with two little ones to care for and so few hours in the day to actually focus on your work. Somehow you manage to write your weekly ezine, hold a bunch of teleseminars each month, run your private and group coaching programs, AND create and promote new offers and new products all the time. I’m so impressed and inspired by you, but more than that:
I want to know how you do it all!?”
To be honest, sometimes I wonder myself! Something I often say to other (especially new) mothers is “despite what everyone tells you to do, do whatever works for YOU.”
In a way, that’s how I started running my business after I had my daughter. I just did whatever worked. I still do.
When she got a bit older, it was easier to manage both being a full-time mother along with running a successful business. Then enter baby #2 and it was back to square one. It’s not easy but it is possible. And here’s what’s really interesting (MOMeos, take note): I’m making about $5k more each month since having my son – and I’m working LESS.
A client recently pointed out that it seems the biggest growths in my business have been when I’ve been having babies – and she’s right!
Over time, I’ve figured out how to get the most important things done – while still being able to focus the majority of my time on my family. After all, that’s one of the reasons why I went into business for myself in the first place.
Here are the top three things that are working for me right now:
1. Setting my work hours
My typical work day looks like this: I get organized the night before for the next day. This jump-starts my day and makes sure that when I do get those tiny pockets of time to get something done, I know exactly what to do.
This makes me feel like I’m accomplishing stuff in between playing trains, having tea parties, coloring, swim and music classes, exploring the neighborhood or running errands.
But I don’t get any real work done until naptime. I work for an hour or so while the kids nap, five days a week. Then I put in some more time after they go to bed at night, whether I’m leading a teleseminar or catching up on emails. My biggest block of focused time, usually reserved for writing and product creation, is on Saturdays, when I work approximately four hours.
During a perfect week, that would give me about 12 hours of time dedicated to business. However, there’s never a perfect week (one or the other doesn’t nap, I have some pressing non-business-related task that I can only take care of when they’re sleeping, one of them is sick, etc.), so my best guess is that this gives me about 8 to 10 productive hours to work on my business each week.
2. Ignoring the phone
I’m serious when I say I ignore the phone. Some of my clients get heart palpitations when I tell them I NEVER jump when the phone rings and suggest they do the same. I don’t even have the ringer turned on the business line.
Does this mean I miss some important calls? Probably. But my virtual assistant checks my messages in a timely manner, takes care of what she can, and forwards the rest to me. I then call people back at a more convenient time for me.
3. Quick consults
When a prospective client wanted to speak with me about “just a few questions,” I used to gladly schedule a time to talk. But instead of a few questions, I’d be on the phone for at least a half hour, basically giving a free coaching/consulting session, and being frustrated with myself for not valuing my time more.
Until recently, when a potential client or customer requested to talk about working with me or about one of my products, they could schedule a time to talk for a much smaller fee than my usual hourly rate. If they decided to go forward with working with me, they could apply the fee they paid towards the program or product they were interested in. It’s fair and values both our time and investment in the process.
Now, however, prospects can talk with my virtual assistant should they need more information about any of my programs or products. If someone is interested in working with me one-on-one, we invite them to apply for a private coaching spot and if I feel it’s a good fit, we set up an interview to discuss moving forward.
BONUS: Make and use lists
I’d be lost without my lists! I’d never remember to do anything if I didn’t write it down. I keep a bunch of reporter’s notebooks around the house and anytime I think of something I need to do, I write it down in whatever room I’m in – whether it’s business or personal.
I periodically gather the lists and separate them into three main lists; personal, business, and other –a which includes the “someday I’d like to…” stuff; things that aren’t a priority but that I want to remember to do at some point – and check things off in priority order from there.
If you start applying some of these steps now, I guarantee the number of productive hours you spend on your business will increase. And you’ll also feel less overwhelmed and less stressed about trying to get it all done. So, which one of these strategies are you willing to implement today?
Sign-Up for the 30 Day MOMentum Challenge: 30 Days to Build Unstoppable Momentum
Alicia Forest, MBA, has devoted the last 9 years of her professional life to achieving excellence in entrepreneurship. She now brings her years of hands-on experience to help struggling online business owners breakthrough their blocks to turn their businesses into 6-figure mini-empires.
With her signature spirited style, youthful energy and exceptional skills as a catalyst and educator, Alicia Forest is without question the go-to girl for guidance for online business owners.
Since 2001, Alicia regularly meets with clients from around the world to educate and inspire them to marry money and meaning in their business. Many of those clients create 6-figure incomes as a direct result of working privately with Alicia.
In 2006, Alicia authored her bestselling 21 Easy & Essential Steps to Online Success System™. This comprehensive tutorial walks small business owners and entrepreneurs through the process of building a successful and sustainable business online that’s guaranteed to bring them to a 6-figure income in half the time they could on their own.
Alicia’s first print book, 6 Simple Steps to 6 Figures for the Solo Service Professional: How to Create Your Lifestyle Business Based on Your Passion for Serving Others, will be available in 2009. You can learn more about Alicia and her courses, programs and products at her website, AliciaForest.com
Love your life – Dr. Susan Biali covers all the bases
With a doctorate of Medicine and a Bachelor’s of Science in Dietetics from the University of British Columbia, Dr. Susan Biali is perhaps the best-educated flamenco dancer in the world.
In addition to her part-time medical and coaching practice, Dr. Biali dances on international stages. She had her own flamenco and salsa dance company in Los Cabos, Mexico, from 2006 to 2009, and has danced for celebrity and has also given private dance lessons to singer/songwriter Pink.
Last but certainly not least, Dr. Biali is also an author. She writes columns for several prominent magazines and websites (including MOMeo Community), and her book Live a Life you Love, 7 Steps to a Healthier, Happier, More Passionate You hits book stands everywhere on March 1st – or on her site at www.livealifeyoulovebook.com.
MOMeo: This must be very exciting for you – your book is available next week. Tell us a little about it.
Dr. Susan Biali: Of course! The full title is Live a Life you Love, 7 Steps to a Healthier, Happier, More Passionate You. Basically how I came up with it, is me! (laughs) I changed my life so dramatically. I was an emergency medicine resident…
MOMeo: I always forget you were a doctor!
Dr. Susan Biali: Tell me about it! Now, I’m a dancer, speaker, author, I love my life now. My life then felt so completely different. My overall sense of optimism, my energy, down to the way I feel energized when I get out of bed every morning – everything is just so improved. So, I decided to write a book specifically about how anyone can improve their own lives on seven levels.
MOMeo: Without giving the book away for free, what would you say is best single piece of advice?
Dr. Susan Biali: Well, for entrepreneurs – moms especially, who are so busy, just go go go, all the time – what I recommend, is taking time to stop completely and detach from the responsibilities of day to day life. That’s a consistent theme through the whole book.
MOMeo: You must get some pushback on that one. (laughs)
Dr. Susan Biali: I know it sounds airy fairy! I’ve experienced this myself: when we’re too busy, we create distance from who we are – really are – inside. What moves us, brings us joy, what the body is telling us.
MOMeo: Can you give me an example of that?
Dr. Susan Biali: Well, you can hear me sniffling through this cold! (laughs) I’ve been pushing too hard lately, and my body is out of balance. That happens quite often with we entrepreneurs; it’s wonderful to be so passionate about your business, your “new baby.” But that passion can push you over the edge and you can be spread way too thin. It’s vital to remember the 3 fundamental balance basics.
First, and I know it’s hard, but try to get 8 hours of sleep. A recent study in moms showed additional sleep made the greatest single improvement in their quality of life. An extra of hour sleep per night was worth $60,000 in more income. Hard to believe, but true.
Second, making sure you eat throughout the day, starting with breakfast. We tend to skim, rush – but have to be there for yourself. Third and finally, exercise. I know it feels so cliché, but it’s so little. It doesn’t have to be a huge workout. Most days for me, my exercise consists of just walking the dog for 20 minutes – but it makes such a difference. Studies have shown 20 minutes of moderate exercise creates a mood boost; emotional stability that lasts for 12 hours afterwards.
MOMeo: So if having a cold is evidence you’re asking too much of your body, feeling unmotivated is evidence you’re doing the wrong thing with your day?
Dr. Susan Biali: Yes. You’ve got to stop and listen to yourself; ask where you’ve gone astray. Most of the time, we don’t stop and pay attention.
MOMeo: is that what happened to you?
Dr. Susan Biali: Totally! During my research scholarship, a very successful person told me it was ridiculous to just be a dietician. Instead, I should be a surgeon, GP (doctor), dentist or lawyer. Otherwise, it would be a waste, you know? But, here’s the thing: I don’t like to touch people!
MOMeo: That’s not good for a GP!
Dr. Susan Biali: Not at all! When he told me thought, I thought: eew! That’s an authentic response; me saying “I don’t want to do.” My society-trained, conditioned brain took over then. I told myself, this man had a point; he’s brilliant man, he knows more about life, and logically, his advice made great sense. But for me – the real me, that went “eew” – it was totally the wrong choice. Culture pushes us to be driven by norms, where it’s normal for a person with a doctorate in medicine to be a surgeon or something like that. It’s more comfortable that way.
MOMeo: Okay, that sounds great – but let’s say I yearn to be a (ice hockey) goalie. No matter how much I want to play for the Calgary Flames, it’s not going to happen. Deep down, everyone wants to be a quarterback, or movie star, right? How can people get there?
Dr. Susan Biali: Studies have shown people always assume (other) people want the same things they do – but that’s so very wrong. Variety is mind boggling – and it’s so revealing. You’d be amazed what people’s true passions are.
But let’s say it’s something really hard to accomplish. One of the most common ones – more than you’d think – is people decide “I want to be singer.” Of course, the killjoy pipes up and says it’s really hard to be famous, why bother, that sort of thing. But some people when they take the steps towards what they want to do, have just the most unbelievable experience as a result of following that path.
I mean, I started flamenco at 30, and since then I’ve performed for major celebs, and otherwise done quite well – what are the odds of that? You have to consider the flipside – maybe a goalie doesn’t have the stature or skill to play in the Olympics, but they can have the time of their life going to hockey camp.
MOMeo: So you’d agree it’s better to try and maybe fail?
Dr. Susan Biali: Totally. People who have succeeded have found they’ve failed constantly on the way. They’ll tell you if you’re not failing, you’re only slowing yourself down. You’re not aiming high.
MOMeo: What do you say to people who feel tied down to their situation? Let’s say a single mom has an OK job but really wants to launch her own business, but just doesn’t feel she can justify the risk?
Dr. Susan Biali: I would say: start with small steps. You can certainly do that. There’s a very strong gut instinct there; you might be burning bridges and you’ll sink or swim. I mean, I haven’t even had guts to completely do that – I still work part-time as physician. It came in handy in downturn, when my husband lost his job. We were quite stuck. Besides, so many employers support these steps, and are happy to support people wanting to run or start businesses in addition to their “real job.” Get creative, and you’llbe amazed by things that happen.
MOMeo: Finally, where can MOMeos find your book?
Dr. Susan Biali: I’m so fortunate – it will be a Barnes & Noble front of store feature in March. I had great success with that – I learned a book is a business. You can’t rely on your publisher (although mine is great) to do all your marketing; you have to drive most of it yourself.
MOMeo: Thanks for your time today – and best wishes!
Dr. Susan Biali: Thank you so much! Any time!
Relationship Renovation…
Date night for Alice and Bart often meant shopping at Target or the grocery store. Nothing like choosing lettuce and light bulbs to stir the romantic embers. With a never-ending to-do list and the added responsibilities of a newborn, this dual-income couple found it increasingly difficult to nurture their relationship. Until Alice attended a group counseling session, discovering how to rejuvenate her marriage.
“I learned what brings me joy in my life,” says Alice, a marketing rep in Harrisburg, Pa., married six years. She requested her last name withheld to protect family privacy. “Both of us like to be outside,” Alice says of Bart while strolling recently with their 5-month-old son through their neighborhood. “We try to make time to be together where we’re not distracted” by errands or housework, she says. Long walks or road trips with a sleeping child in tow seem to do the trick. “It reminds me why we’re together.”
It’s no wonder marriages are pushed to the back burner when trying to manage children, a job, housework, financial strains and schedule overload. Unlike these other areas that vie for our attention, relationships tend to “quietly soldier on” until it’s too late, says James Córdova, director of the Marriage Checkup program at Clark University in Worcester, Mass.
That’s why even the most successful marriages need a relationship overhaul from time to time, according to psychologists and counselors interviewed for this story.
Here are a few marital issues cited by the experts and their suggested remedies:
Conflict: Where’s the Romance?
Resolution: Experience The Embrace
Hugs will never be the same after you’ve tried this mindful approach from Córdova, author of the new book, “The Marriage Checkup: A Scientific Program for Sustaining and Strengthening Marital Health.”
Enter the hug from a position that does not require straining, he says. “Breathe into the hug. Relax into the contact, turning your attention to the moment, the warmth, softness, pressure of contact. Allow an awareness of all the qualities of the moment. Walk through each of your senses. Experience the totality.”
Now stay this way for five minutes. “It’s quite a bit longer than most couples will hug,” Córdova admits. Rest assured, with regularity, the awkward barriers will disappear, “allowing a deeper, more embodied experience just to be with this unique person.”
“Our minds tend to want to rush off,” he says. “This is an opportunity to practice just being aware. It can be a real basis to foster intimacy.”
Hugging not your thing? Try a little eye contact to bolster your declarations of love, says Dr. Robert Moss, a clinical psychologist in Greenville, S.C. While words may be cheap, the nonverbal message is: “You are worth my time simply to gaze into your eyes and tell you.”
An eye statement tends to lessen the impact of many marital troubles, according to Marriage Counselor Ann Smith, of Reading, Pa. Greeting each other with the eyes should be the first priority upon entering the home after separation, she says. “Put it ahead of the mailbox and bills, even if only for two minutes to see the person you love. Then, when you open the bills, they do not seem so bad.”
Conflict: Who Has Time For a Date?
Resolution: Consider Bungee-Jumping
Undefined plans for a getaway or date next weekend or next month may never materialize, Córdova says. “We look for found time to grab in spare moments. Even though it seems simple, you have to make time because you are never going to find time.”
He recommends couples schedule regular, predictable time during which they can actively explore and experience the world, possibly try something neither one has done before. “They should practice a type of curiosity about each other and about the world.”
Couples who think they know everything about the spouse fail to understand that everyone is evolving, Córdova says. “If you’re bored with the person you are with it’s a sure sign you have stopped paying attention to ‘who the person I am with today is because certainly I’m not the same person as yesterday.’”
Every six months to a year couples should also plan a getaway so they don’t feel as helpless about their relationship and have something to look forward to, he says.
Conflict: Put Up Your Dukes
Resolution: It’s Called Communicating
If you know your spouse is frustrated about something, actively listen without trying to solve the issue, Moss says. You might address your partner: “If we can agree not to look for solutions, I can just to be there to hold you so you’re not alone, so I don’t have to feel like I want to escape.”
Anger is not necessarily a bad thing in a relationship, Córdova adds. Use dance lessons as an analogy for communication. “You are going to step on toes. If you say ‘ow’ and your partner does the same thing, naturally you learn to dance gracefully together.
You get to say ‘ow,’ that pissed me off, but you do not get to attack each other’s character.”
Conflict: The Thrill is Gone
Resolution: Attract A Crowd
Schedule gift deliveries several times a year when your partner least expects it, not just on Valentine’s Day, anniversaries or birthdays, says Moss, who latest self-help book offers marriage counseling, “For Better or For Worse: Am I in Love with a Giver or a Taker?”
“If your wife works, send it to her at work. Get in front of people a special surprise they will see. The attention from others activates positive feelings.”
On the other hand, be cautious about sending gifts as an apology, he warns. Like makeup sex, such gifts may subconsciously force your partner to start an argument to gain the reward.
Conflict: The Honey-Do List
Resolution: It Takes Two
Set aside problem-solving sessions twice a week for 45 minutes to an hour without distractions, Moss says. Take the phone off the hook, occupy the children and alternate presenting a problem, ensuring the listener understands the issue and agreed-upon solution. “If it’s two hours a week, you free up all the rest of the time to do positive things.”
Smith suggests finding a permanent location around your home, outside the bedroom and earshot of children, for face-to-face discussions. Ideally three to four times a week couples should meet here to debrief, away from whatever is bothering them, says Smith, executive director of Breakthrough at Caron, a nonprofit wellness program that helps break unhealthy life patterns.
JOIN US on Friday for PART TWO–How To Use Relationship Renovation Tips with your Co-Workers!
Fitness for ‘gym-aphobes’: No time for the gym? No problem!
The gym isn’t for everyone.
It could be that you don’t like being on display next to Miss 20-Something emphasizing her golden goddess legs with her pink spandex short-shorts. Maybe you just don’t want to fork out the cash required for a gym membership. Maybe you don’t have the time to leave your house.
Maybe it’s all of the above.
A distaste for the gym, however, is no excuse to ignore fitness altogether. “Amazon Queen” and MOMeo Kyle King, creator of Inspire the Amazon Within, a course for women based on the upkeep of “physical, emotional, and spiritual fitness,” notes the benefits of staying in shape are substantial, especially for mothers:
“When a mother is healthy, she is more able to physically handle the rigors of raising her children.”
King adds that poor health tends to detract from a mom’s ability to handle all the lifting, sleeplessness, and long hours that raising a child requires.
Furthermore, King adds, physically unfit mothers tend to have unfit kids. Children don’t learn by what we say to them, but by example. If you want your children to grow up with good habits, you have to exhibit them daily.
The good news is that staying in shape from home can be just as effective as dragging your butt everyday to the closest fitness facility – as long as you allot a small amount of time in your daily regimen. To “develop and maintain strength and conditioning,” King recommends dedicating 30 minutes a day to working out. While mothers often struggle to find time or lack the desire, she notes that motivation comes more easily once established as part of a routine.
“It’s mind over matter some days, but once there’s a (fitness) routine in place, it becomes clear as to its value. She’s more likely to follow through.”
“It’s the first few weeks that are critical for her to change her patterns,” says King.
Scheduling sessions with a private instructor or attending group classes may help mothers in the initial phases of establishing a routine, because they offer structure.
Finding Proper Form
One issue women may face working out at home is making sure their form is proper. For the first few weeks of any new regimen, King recommends getting some one-on-one training with someone who can watch your form while you learn. After a short time, King says:
“Most people will begin to have muscle memory kick in and they will be able to keep their form without help.”
In order to successfully exercise from home, moms can consider investing in certain tools of the trade. Plenty of websites feature great workouts featuring these tools (see below); King plans to offer daily workouts on her blog for the “at home” crowd.
However, moms don’t need any gym equipment at all to perform some exercises. They just need their kids!
“Babies are great for putting on the bottom of your legs, then lifting them,” says King, adding on that moms can lift their 10-30 pound “kidlets” over their head to help tone their arms.
They can be great cardio partners, too. For moms who don’t own cardio machines, or who are unable to run/walk outside for whatever reason, King cites dancing as an “amazing” way to get your heart rate up:
“Your kids will want to join in,” she says. “It’s fun and exhilarating… the music and (sense of) abandon is helpful for a healthy mindset.”
King also recommends finding time to work out away from the kids. As lovable and entertaining as they can be…they also have a tendency to distract.
Ultimately, regardless of where you get your fitness fix, it all boils down to having the right mindset. Namely, that fitness is important for both you and your children, and that you’re willing to set aside time.
As King makes clear, a dedication to fitness should first and foremost revolve around how good it feels to be strong and supple and less about looks.
That can stop you dead in your tracks.
Fitness equipment and tools you should have for your home gym:
- Stability ball for strengthening your core
- A few sets of free weights ranging from 5 to 20 pounds, depending on your strength
- Jump rope for anytime cardio
- Yoga mat for stretching and floor exercises
- Medicine ball (12 lbs. is a good weight)
- Good running shoes with no more than a year of wear
- Loose, comfy clothing – the cuter it is, the more inspired you’ll be to put in on every day and kick butt in your workouts!
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- I love that @AlyPain tells it like it is --> STOP Blaming Your Children - Why YOUR Failure Isn't THEIR Fault - http://t.co/LPo51mgI
- Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says, "Make me feel important." ~Mary Kay Ash
