Momentum Monday: Ditch IT – Put a Stop to the Clutter and the Negative Self-Talk
Stop.
Get rid of it.
Let it go…ALL OF IT.
Everything.
The mental clutter, the negative mind chatter, the distractions, the self-sabotage, the secret fear of failure or even worse, the fear of outrageous success. Ditch it.
Stop turning your fear into a roadblock. Stop letting it slow you down. Stop.
How to Ditch the Negative Mental Clutter
Own It – Don’t try to hide from your fear. Don’t try to deny it. Don’t run away from it. Acknowledge it. Stare directly at it. Own it for what it truly is – fear. If it helps, write it out.
Take a Step – It doesn’t matter what that step is as long as it’s a step forward, a step toward your fear. Fake steps where you fritter around cleaning your office or launch into extended conversation about ‘potential’ don’t count.
Replace It – Search for the positive to replace the negative chatter. Start small. Congratulate yourself on eating a healthy breakfast or clearing out your inbox. Pick anything – no matter how seemingly insignificant – to replace the negative talk with positive vibes.
Keep Moving – Build on that one step by taking another (and another and another). Momentum is about not letting the fear stop you, about not giving into it and turning the fear into yet another distraction.
Become Aware – Pay attention to when fear starts creeping in. Learn the signs and symptoms of your fear and put a stop to it before it stops you in your tracks. Know what you do to avoid dealing with your fear.
Momentum Monday: Calling All Recovering Perfectionists! How to Be Good with “Good is Good Enough”
Ever have one of those light bulb moments when everything becomes perfectly (pardon the pun) clear? For me, it was hearing the saying, “Good is good enough!”
Now if this were a Hollywood movie, immediately after hearing this I would change my perfectionist ways and go on to live a life of bliss, forever grateful to the sage wisdom of my mentor. That’s a big IF…
Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately for movie-goers everywhere), my life is not a Hollywood movie and so following hearing these wise words, I noted that my new standard should be (my perfectionist version of) good and carried on striving for perfection.
How to Be Good with “Good is Good Enough”
#1: Try failing – Seriously. If you look at what drives perfectionism, it’s the fear of failure and the desire to control every detail to ensure success. The irony is often perfectionism is what holds us back. So give failure a go and send something out that’s less than perfect – you’ll learn it’s really not that bad.
#2: Limit the time – Sometimes the best cure for perfectionism is severe time constraints because it puts a stop to the endless fussing and fiddling. So limit the amount of time you make available by sandwiching tasks between meetings and calls.
#3: Get a bit of perspective – Compare what you consider absolute crap to what other people consider good. Chances are your crap is their good and your perfect isn’t even a possibility. And yes, it’s not them – it’s you.
#4: Laugh at yourself – Perfect people are freaks and we hate them for good reason. Do you really want to be a part of that group? Learn to laugh at your quirky imperfection – it’s the reason we love you.
#5: Delegate the details – If you are still tempted to fuss over the minutia, delegate the details. You are a lot less likely to demand the same level of perfection from others as you do from yourself.
Are you a recovering perfectionist? Tell us how you strive to be good with good enough!
Momentum Monday: Life Lessons from a 2-Year-Old – Not Taking No for an Answer
Almost every success story starts the same way. The intrepid entrepreneur finally gets a “Yes” after rejection after rejection. “No, not right now”, “No, we just don’t think it will work”, “No, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard”.
The reason for their success is they didn’t take “No” for an answer.
Lessons from a 2-Year-Old on Not Taking No for an Answer
The proudest moment in my daughter’s babyhood was the day I realized that “This kid has serious moxy!” Watching how she interacted with her environment, I realized that compared to her peers, she didn’t take “No” for an answer.
And not an asking multiple times kind of not taking “No”, but a deeply stubborn, single-minded determination kind of not taking no. More of a “No @#$% damn it” kind of no, but without the four-letter words.
It started at babyhood. You see, compared to other brand new crawlers, my daughter didn’t give up. Her crawling peers would stop at the slightest barrier, choosing to go around the pile of laundry to explore what was on the other side.
Not my little one. Faced with an obstacle, she hunkered down for a fight, bowing down her head to push through to the other side. Even if there was a much easier way around!
My inner voice said those prophetic words: Oh boy, I am in for it!
In an instant, my future as a parent flashed in front of me. I saw myself as the baffled, apologetic mother whose toddler ends up on the 6 o’clock news after narrowly escaping serious injury from climbing on top of a perilous height.
For the record, the polite term is “busy” (and thank goodness the 6 o’clock news never happened)…
The “No @#$% damn it” continued as my daughter started walking (an all determination, no skill or style endeavor on her part) and joined the ranks of the playground set.
By the age of two, her fearlessness was apparent. Seeing a kid twice her age attempt to climb to the top of the play structure, she just had to do it too! No fear, no excuses, just a quiet “No @#$% damn it” resolution that it will be done.
Often we let our fear, our inhabitations, our wishy-washy resolution get in the way of our success instead of taking a “No @#$% damn it” view of it. The minute we start to dream big, that little voice starts to question what we are doing and we slow down, we sabotage, we take “No” for an answer instead of pushing through to the final “Yes”.
Momentum Monday Challenge: Say “NO @#$% damn it” to whatever fear is holding you back and step up and do something big and bold this week!
Make Fear your Frenemy: Is fear protecting you or holding you back?
It wakes you in the middle of the night, causes you stress and possibly frown lines -
yet it can also put you on course for success. Take on fear with these thoughts from wellness expert Dr. Susan Biali.
Life coach, author, speaker and flamenco dancer, Biali leads a fearless life divided between Vancouver and Los Cabos. A student of health and wellness for nearly two decades, Biali has worked with mompreneurs of every variety, from single mothers to families with two entrepreneurial parents and small children, to those who have successfully become the primary breadwinner because their partner lost their job.
Do women experience a different type of fear from other entrepreneurs?
“A wife and mother often feels more apprehensive about things like fulfilling her own dreams or her own project if that feels like it will give her less time with her kids.”
“Since the fear stakes can often be higher for mothers contemplating a big change, it’s especially important to be able to distinguish between fear that should be heeded, and the kind that needs a firm kick to the curb.
How do you ‘calibrate your fear compass’ and make that distinction?
“Look back on your experiences and remember how you felt. I remember signing a mortgage and feeling literally sick with fear, feeling ill like I just wanted to walk out of there, and I should have because it turned out to be a very big mistake.”
“But, on the other side, when I decided to move to Mexico to build my dance company and write, it was a different feeling. Inside me, under all that fear and worry and chatter in my mind, I felt I had to do it or I would regret it for the rest of my life. That kind of fear is as if that inner voice is saying ‘oh, this is scary – but what if it worked?’
“Once you’ve made the decision to start, the best fear-buster is taking those steps, even the tiniest ones, remaining open to what happens, and remembering it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.”
“Find ways to begin.”
How can I do that right now?
Listen in.
“One client has a wonderful idea without much of a startup cost. She and her husband have both lost their jobs. So she is soaking in free teleseminars with some of the greatest minds, no flying, no hotel to pay…I learned so much about getting publicity from teleseminars and got into Self magazine, on MSNBC, completely for free.”
Network – even in your slippers.
“Networking is huge. You may decide that it’s not the time, but start now and, by the time you do make the leap, you’ll be set up with connections. When you’re feeling afraid and on your own, it really helps to bring in positive stories of support. And you can learn how they dealt with similar situations. Network with virtual communities such as MOMeo.”
Unleash the power of the Net.
“There are so many ways entrepreneurs can reach the world with the touch of a button. Tim Ferris’ The Four Hour Workweek is perfect for moms and talks about setting up online businesses, testing products, outsourcing, and more. Take advantage of Twitter and Facebook.”
Make it a team effort.
“One of my friends, a physician, wrote a book while breastfeeding, with one hand! When it was time to edit, her family agreed she would not be cooking dinner until it was done. Ask for that support for your dream, but make sure you give support back when it’s time.”
Do mompreneurs have any inherent advantages?
Biali says mompreneurs may even have an edge when it comes to fighting fear – their proximity to the ultimate perspective-shifters, those tiny coaches known as children:
“One client, a very busy single mom, discovered that hanging out and playing with her daughter cleared her head and unplugged her creativity like nothing else…real stress relief!”
“So get outside and play with them. Don’t feel guilty…playtime is not only important to your kids, it makes you more effective and productive.”
Additionally, Biali notes that moms have ways of finding those moments…like listening to CDs while driving kids all over town.
What about those clanging chimes of economic doom that seem increasingly hard to mute?
“I believe in the primary rule that, if you solve a problem for people, a real problem, you will always have business no matter what. So you go to work finding out if what you want to do.”
“We have so much at our disposal, tools like surveys and newsletter programs, things that would have cost tens of thousands of dollars in the past.”
Should you ever listen to your fear and back down?
“I don’t think [telling someone] that would be my role, unless it seemed to have a clearly disastrous effect on their home life or health. You never know what’s going to be waiting at the end of an experience.
“It may not work out as you’d hoped, but you may learn something absolutely priceless or meet someone who helps you do it better the next time.”
A student of entrepreneurship and success stories, Biali has noticed that “success often lies on the other side of failure – people who have what may seem to be the craziest ideas that ‘will never work’ end up being the visionaries.”
Any last words of wisdom?
“Know that you don’t have to be in a huge rush. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you aren’t exactly following your timeline. Do what you can – and try replacing that fear with love.”
Dr. Susan Biali, M.D. is an internationally recognized medical doctor, wellness expert, life coach, and flamenco dancer. She has performed for and taught celebrities, and speaks and dances across North America. She blogs for PsychologyToday.com and her opinions appear in international media such as FoxNews, MSNBC, Self Magazine, Cosmopolitan Magazine, and The Chicago Tribune. Her book, Live a Life You Love: 7 Steps to a Healthier, Happier, More Passionate You, has just been released.
-
-
-
-
- I love that @AlyPain tells it like it is --> STOP Blaming Your Children - Why YOUR Failure Isn't THEIR Fault - http://t.co/LPo51mgI
- Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says, "Make me feel important." ~Mary Kay Ash
