Make Fear your Frenemy: Is fear protecting you or holding you back?

It wakes you in the middle of the night, causes you stress and possibly frown lines -
yet it can also put you on course for success.  Take on fear with these thoughts from wellness expert Dr. Susan Biali.

Life coach, author, speaker and flamenco dancer, Biali leads a fearless life divided between Vancouver and Los Cabos. A student of health and wellness for nearly two decades, Biali has worked with mompreneurs of every variety, from single mothers to families with two entrepreneurial parents and small children, to those who have successfully become the primary breadwinner because their partner lost their job.

Do women experience a different type of fear from other entrepreneurs?

“A wife and mother often feels more apprehensive about things like fulfilling her own dreams or her own project if that feels like it will give her less time with her kids.”

“Since the fear stakes can often be higher for mothers contemplating a big change, it’s especially important to be able to distinguish between fear that should be heeded, and the kind that needs a firm kick to the curb.

How do you ‘calibrate your fear compass’ and make that distinction?

“Look back on your experiences and remember how you felt. I remember signing a mortgage and feeling literally sick with fear, feeling ill like I just wanted to walk out of there, and I should have because it turned out to be a very big mistake.”

“But, on the other side, when I decided to move to Mexico to build my dance company and write, it was a different feeling.  Inside me, under all that fear and worry and chatter in my mind, I felt I had to do it or I would regret it for the rest of my life.  That kind of fear is as if that inner voice is saying ‘oh, this is scary – but what if it worked?’

“Once you’ve made the decision to start, the best fear-buster is taking those steps, even the tiniest ones, remaining open to what happens, and remembering it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.”

“Find ways to begin.”

How can I do that right now?

Listen in.
“One client has a wonderful idea without much of a startup cost.  She and her husband have both lost their jobs.  So she is soaking in free teleseminars with some of the greatest minds, no flying, no hotel to pay…I learned so much about getting publicity from teleseminars and got into Self magazine, on MSNBC, completely for free.”

Network – even in your slippers.
“Networking is huge.  You may decide that it’s not the time, but start now and, by the time you do make the leap, you’ll be set up with connections.  When you’re feeling afraid and on your own, it really helps to bring in positive stories of support.  And you can learn how they dealt with similar situations.  Network with virtual communities such as MOMeo.”

Unleash the power of the Net.
“There are so many ways entrepreneurs can reach the world with the touch of a button.  Tim Ferris’ The Four Hour Workweek is perfect for moms and talks about setting up online businesses, testing products, outsourcing, and more.  Take advantage of Twitter and Facebook.”

Make it a team effort.
“One of my friends, a physician, wrote a book while breastfeeding, with one hand!  When it was time to edit, her family agreed she would not be cooking dinner until it was done.  Ask for that support for your dream, but make sure you give support back when it’s time.”

Do mompreneurs have any inherent advantages?

Biali says mompreneurs may even have an edge when it comes to fighting fear – their proximity to the ultimate perspective-shifters, those tiny coaches known as children:

“One client, a very busy single mom, discovered that hanging out and playing with her daughter cleared her head and unplugged her creativity like nothing else…real stress relief!”

“So get outside and play with them.  Don’t feel guilty…playtime is not only important to your kids, it makes you more effective and productive.”

Additionally, Biali notes that moms have ways of finding those moments…like listening to CDs while driving kids all over town.

What about those clanging chimes of economic doom that seem increasingly hard to mute?

“I believe in the primary rule that, if you solve a problem for people, a real problem, you will always have business no matter what.  So you go to work finding out if what you want to do.”

“We have so much at our disposal, tools like surveys and newsletter programs, things that would have cost tens of thousands of dollars in the past.”

Should you ever listen to your fear and back down?

“I don’t think [telling someone] that would be my role, unless it seemed to have a clearly disastrous effect on their home life or health.  You never know what’s going to be waiting at the end of an experience.

“It may not work out as you’d hoped, but you may learn something absolutely priceless or meet someone who helps you do it better the next time.”

A student of entrepreneurship and success stories, Biali has noticed that “success often lies on the other side of failure – people who have what may seem to be the craziest ideas that ‘will never work’ end up being the visionaries.”

Any last words of wisdom?

“Know that you don’t have to be in a huge rush. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you aren’t exactly following your timeline.  Do what you can – and try replacing that fear with love.”

Dr. Susan Biali, M.D. is an internationally recognized medical doctor, wellness expert, life coach, and flamenco dancer.  She has performed for and taught celebrities, and speaks and dances across North America.  She blogs for PsychologyToday.com and her opinions appear in international media such as FoxNews, MSNBC, Self Magazine, Cosmopolitan Magazine, and The Chicago Tribune.  Her book, Live a Life You Love: 7 Steps to a Healthier, Happier, More Passionate You, has just been released.

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