Healthy You: Healthy Husbands – How to Help Your Husband Live Healthier Without Nagging Him to Death
Women are the caretakers of health, constantly watching out for the health interests of the family – whether they like it or not. Like all well-meaning advice-givers, sometimes the ‘help’ isn’t well received. You say, “Maybe that’s enough, honey” when your husband is on his fourth glass of wine. He hears, “You are a fat, lazy, drunken cow.”
The problem is women and men have a completely different approach to health. Women tend to be pro-active and ask a lot of questions for themselves and their family. Even when the appointment is about her peri-menopausal weight gain, she will ask about her husband’s love handles and her child’s aversion to cheese. We can’t seem to help ourselves; we want to spread the wealth.
Men wish to come in once a year and be told the three things they can do better that will solve the problem at hand. If those things make sense to them and are easy to do, they will do them. Period. Our constant barrage of unsolicited health advice is perceived as ‘nagging’ or criticism.
Behind the Friction: Why Men and Women Approach Health Differently
She does not think her husband is stupid or lazy she tries to help – well at least the first 25 times anyway. She is biologically designed and socially driven to take care of her husband. What her “nagging” is, really, is worry.
She worries what will happen to her, how the kids will be if they have to grow up without a father. She worries that if she doesn’t say something his habits will get worse. She also does not like acting like his mother and wishes that he would accept responsibility for himself so she can start worrying about herself again and leave him alone. Win-win.
He is biologically designed differently. He is made and socialized to ignore the feelings of hunger, thirst and use of the bathroom so he learns from an early age to shut these distractions out. If you think about it in an anthropological sense, he has to ignore these sensations in order to keep hunting or gathering or protecting the pack.
Slowing down to poop is a dangerous, smelly proposition (which also explains why he feels the need to hide in the bathroom/cave until the job is done and the danger is past). He wants to be healthy and safe. He also wants to hear advice from his caring wife, but he needs the information to be simple and framed in the positive.
How to Help Your Husband Live a Healthier Life
#1: Know and accept that men and women are different in how they approach health, neither is wrong and both can do better.
#2: She needs to limit her “tips” to three.
#3: He needs to hear her tips as love rather than nag.
#4: She needs to frame her tips in the positive tone of voice (saying “you can’t” or “you shouldn’t” doesn’t work, he needs to hear the plan and the goal):
- Let’s get a special bottle of wine for Friday nights so we can look forward to it!
- If I stopped drinking wine during the week, will you help me and do it too?
- I am going to make more vegetables and show the kids we can do better! Which one would you like to see more of?
- You did so well last week! Let’s do it again!
As pathetic as it sounds, we all need positive reinforcement and someone has to start it. I wish it weren’t true and I know it isn’t always easy but, man, does it work.
#5: He needs to listen. Nod and smile and appreciate. That’s simple, right?
Laugh, eat well and be inspired at www.myfriendinfood.com where Theresa shares her weekly meal solutions!
Mommy Mojo: 6 Things Husbands of Work-at-Home Moms Don’t Know
Perhaps it may surprise you to know that husbands are not mind readers.
I used to fall prey to the notion that my husband could read my mind. It took me a long, long time to become comfortable with the idea that he just couldn’t.
Not only does my husband not know what I want him to do—unless I ask him out loud—he’s also not necessarily good at divining what needs to be done. As a very good friend once told me, “Men are clueless.” If I want my husband to know what’s on my mind, I need to clue him in.
6 things that husbands of work-at-home moms don’t necessarily know
#1: When your “Do Not Disturb” sign is up – Unless you have an official sign that your family members can see, it can be difficult for them to sense the boundaries between Working Mommy and Regular Mommy.
My husband used to ask me questions when I was typing and I used to bite his head off on a regular basis. It finally occurred to me that he didn’t know how difficult it was for me to switch from typing to talking and back again. He and my daughter also didn’t necessarily know whether I was on an important client call or just chatting to my mom or a friend.
Now I ask everyone to please be quite before I get on the phone. I’ve also gently explained how difficult it is for me to switch tasks. Now my husband knows not to interrupt me if he can see my fingers beating the keyboard keys.
#2: That you are on deadline – When you work in an office, most of your coworkers have a sense of your responsibilities. This isn’t the case with a home office.
If you don’t tell your family (and especially your husband) that you are about to have a busy week, he’s going to ask annoying questions like, “Hey hon, how come we’re out of milk?” and “Hey hon, aren’t you going to cook dinner?”
#3: Why a career is so important to you – Many new mompreneurs tell me that their husbands do not support their home businesses. After asking many questions, I usually learn that their husbands don’t know why these women want to work at all.
Explain that you need a career identity just as much as he does. It’s not just about money. It’s about your peace of mind and your happiness. Once he understands that, he’ll be more likely to support you.
#4: The baby’s diaper needs to be changed – This one isn’t just for work at home moms. It’s for all of the moms out there who have rolled their eyes whenever dad has handed them a stinky baby. Not everyone has the same sense of smell.
If you smell poopy, don’t assume your spouse can smell it, too. “Could you please change the baby’s diaper?” is a lot more likely to get the baby’s diaper changed than is an eye roll or a loud sigh.
#5: Why you are not in the mood for sex – You might have had a hard day. You might have worked until 2 am. You might feel less than sexy because you haven’t had a chance to get to the gym in three weeks.
He doesn’t know any of this. So when you rebuff his advances, he assumes you no longer find him attractive.
#6: You want him to tell you that you are beautiful, smart, competent and a smart business woman – He thinks you know all of these things. He thinks you are a good mother, too. He doesn’t bother to tell you because he thinks you can read his mind.
Alisa Bowman is the author of Project: Happily Ever After, which tells the story of how she went from wishing her husband dead to falling back in love. Enter the Fabulous PHEA Giveaway! Go to ProjectHappilyEverAfter.com to learn how you can enter to win a Kindle, a stay at a B&B, marriage counseling, a vibrator and more.
Mommy Mojo: Sexy Santa Suits, the Velveteen Rabbit and Being Real – Lessons on How to Feel Sexy During the Holidays
This Christmas since my husband is away in the Gulf, I considered buying something really surprising to wear for a video chat. You know – something like a super sexy Santa suit, with red velveteen and a little fur and a lot of skin.
So I started looking at the myriad of options online and suddenly became nearly depressed.
“What could I have been thinking?” I wondered, as I looked at the long legged, big breasted women in the ads. “Compared to her, I would look ridiculous in that get up!” So I turned off the computer and started wondering how many other women shy away from love-with-abandon by comparing themselves to some one else.
It reminded me of a story about another kind of Velveteen…
Next, I picked up my favorite childhood book – The Velveteen Rabbit, and re-read my earliest book of self-development. (Of course I never realized until now that it is a self-development story, but that’s the best kind.)
In case you don’t know of this book, it is about a little stuffed velveteen rabbit that we meet on a Christmas morning in a stocking. We follow along with him as he journeys into this magical place that only happens when you are “real.” We learn about being real, first from the very wise Skin Horse.
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, bur REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt…It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”*
Ha! So, this may be totally fiction, talking about children and not grown men, toys and not real women, but I don’t care. I’m going with it. My takeaway: REAL IS SEXY!
Three Tips for a Real and Sexy Holiday:
#1: Revel in “Real,” instead of Panicking over Perfection
“Once you are Real you can’t be ugly!” Oooh yeah baby – take a look at your less-than perfect parts in the mirror and tell them they are magical and lovely. Your husband who loves you mostly just wants YOU – and wants to make you happy.
#2: Nurture yourself with nutrition and exercise – because it feels good!
You deserve to feel good just as you are. Stay present each day and in touch with your senses. Go to bed early enough to WANT to roll around with your lover. If you practice thinking loving, sensuous thoughts, you will be rewarded with opportunity. Choose to feel good now.
#3: Focus on what is RIGHT about your mate
It is easy to look at those things that drive us nuts – but doing that will only drive you apart. For just the next 3 days, purposefully focuse on the attributes that first attracted you to your man. Talk about them – not just to him, but to yourself. Include some of your fondest, steamiest memories.
When you do the actions above, you will also give yourself permission to be flooded with pleasure. You will also find yourself wanting to bring pleasure to your guy. What power we have as women to love and be loved, and feel good in the process.
Now excuse me – I’m heading back online to find something sexy to wear for a video chat. To heck with airbrushed lingerie models! A certain Sailor is just aching to see me flash a little cellulite!
Here’s to celebrating the magical passionate world of REAL!
*Quote taken from The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams, Doubleday & Company, Inc.
Gina Parris is known as the Queen of Peak Performance and the creator of The Romance Rescue – How to Have Really Great Sex – When You’re NOT in the Mood. She has been married for over 20 years to a hunk named Paul and they have four children. Get her free video: “Secrets to Really Great Sex Tonight – Even if You’re NOT in the Mood”
Mommy Mojo: How to Enjoy Fun Sex – Even When You’re Feeling UN-Sexy
Exhausted, Meagan grimaced at her husband and asked, “Really! How can you think about sex at a time like this?” She was trying to quickly clean up after dinner and his roaming hands on her hips only added to her stress.
“I don’t know,” replied her bewildered husband. “How can I NOT think about sex at a time like this?” He tried to hide his disappointment, but Meagan felt it anyway. Now she was starting to resent sex like one more chore, and the guilt trip certainly didn’t make her want to get it on. She had WORK to do, for goodness’ sakes!
As busy mom-preneurs, it is easy to let the busy-ness of children, commerce, homework and housework sap our most sensuous energy. Often we feel anything but sexy, and getting in the mood seems like more effort than it’s worth.
“Why in the world should I have to have sex when I’m not in the mood anyway?”
Asking, “Why should I HAVE to,” may not be the most empowering question to ask. Instead why not ask, “What might I gain by discovering GREAT sex with my mate on demand?”
Studies show that sex has many benefits, including more loving feelings, greater happiness, more personal peace, increased energy, improved health, increased self-esteem, better sleep, weight loss, and emotional connection.
So, there you go. Right at the top of the list are some of those elusive qualities that everyone longs for – basically love, joy and peace. Who knew – right in your marriage, waiting in your bedroom (or anyplace you want to spice it up), the key to love, joy and peace.
Conversely, refusing sex can cause spiraling emotions of resentment, stress and anger ,which can lead to insomnia, weight gain, loneliness and a host of other problems. Now, sex is by not any means the answer to all that ails us. But in the midst of everything else, it’s great to have a sex life that works like glue keeping a marriage intimate, refreshing and fun.
How to Go from Exhausted to Aroused?
Sometimes being exhausted or annoyed makes us worse than too tired for sex. It makes us down right AVERSE! In fact, I dedicated an entire chapter to the problem – “Help – My Husband Is Naked and It’s Grossing Me Out!” Have you ever felt like that?
Since that point of view helps no-one’s self esteem, let’s see what we can change. I truly believe that with a little instruction, it’s possible to move from averse to aroused. The best part is – YOU deserve to feel great, so why not?
My Secret and Oh-so Sexy Weapon: EFT Tapping
I spent years as the wife who could barely get in the mood. This was so hurtful to my husband – it was the only part of our marriage that caused fights – and it made me feel like something was wrong with me.
Little did I know that I could re-wire my sexual energy and go from dread to desire. One night while my naked husband lie waiting in the candlelight, I rushed into the shower and in desperation tried the wackiest thing I’d ever heard of.
We call it tapping, Emotional Freedom Technique, or EFT for short. It involves two things while literally tapping 7 or so times with your fingertips on acupressure targets on your face and torso:
1. Acknowledge your distressing emotion
2. Offer acceptance and forgiveness to yourself and whoever has contributed to the feeling.
The theory is that the combination of the tapping and the acceptance breaks the connection from the stressful stimulus (the thought of sex) and your body’s physical reaction (in my case – frigidness).
How to use EFT to Get in the Mood for Sex
What I discovered in that life-changing shower is that I had the power to change how I felt about sex. Follow along as you read, and see if you feel more relaxed about sex.
Since I was in a very anxious state, I let the water run all over me, while I rubbed my chest saying, “Even though I’m NOT in the mood for sex, I deeply love and accept myself anyway. Even though I’m NOT in the mood at all, and this will probably be a flop, I TOTALLY love and accept myself anyway. Even though I’m way too tired for this, I DEEPLY love and accept myself and my feelings.”
Then I tapped around my eye saying, “I am not in the mood!”
I tapped my upper and lower lip saying, “Totally not in the mood!”
I tapped my whole hand across my collarbone saying, “Sex right now is a BAD idea!”
I tapped the inside of my wrist saying “I am TOO TIRED!”
I repeated this process for about 10 minutes. Basically I just put my most anxious feelings into words –emphatically! As I did, the most amazing thing started happening. I felt in tune with my body. My skin felt good and I was completely relaxed without wanting to fall asleep. I had no idea what would happen next.
Eureka! As I lay down with my husband my whole body was tingly, responsive and orgasmic! Every kiss, every caress felt magical. I had the best sex I’d EVER had up till then. I was in touch with my senses. I felt good about myself. I felt good about my lover. From that night on, sex became a sanctuary. Sexual anxiety became a thing of the past.
The key to making sex fun when you’re not in the mood is to take charge of your own sex drive and energy and enjoy your senses, your self and your partner.
It’s called PLEASURE – and it certainly brings a host of GREAT and sexy benefits! Why not give it a try? You can tap yourself sexy, by taking some time to honor yourself and your sex life. You deserve to feel great tonight – and your mate? He DESPERATELY wants you to want him!
Want more of Gina’s secrets to GREAT Sex? Be sure to grab your free video: Secrets to Really Great Sex Tonight!
Family Friday: What about time for Mommy and Daddy? Simple ways to reconnect with your relationship
Doing double duty, raising kids and building a work-at-home business, definitely leaves little time for much else. Yes, for mom entrepreneurs, so-called ‘self-care’ often consists of crackers and cheese for lunch, devoured Cookie Monster style leaning over the kitchen counter or the truly rare occasion when we actually get to use the bathroom in private with the door closed.
We talk so much about spending quality time with our kids and finding a little bit of sanity for ourselves, but what about a little time for Mommy and Daddy?
Simple ways to reconnect with your relationship
Between babies and the business, Daddies can end up feeling a little neglected. Who can blame them?
#1: Set aside sacred time – Even if it’s 30 minutes after you tuck the kids in, set aside sacred time to talk – no household administration, no to-do lists, no television and absolutely no rescheduling to handle that last minute must-do whatever (it can wait).
#2: Start and end the day with a 1-minute kiss – Make it a habit and do it like you mean it. Who knows where it will go, but wouldn’t it be nice to find out?
#3: Find the special joy – Laugh, play, rejoice – your kids are watching and learning what a relationship should be like. Fill their lessons with laughter and joy.
#4: Plan to a date night – Book the babysitter, dress up and paint the town red (or at least enjoy a quiet meal without the “Eew…do I have to eat that?).
#5: Eat at least one meal a day together – It sounds goofy to say that eating together makes a difference, but it does and often in the hustle, bustle, that’s where couples fall down.
Happy Family Friday – now go snuggle your sweetheart!
Relationship Renovation…

Date night for Alice and Bart often meant shopping at Target or the grocery store. Nothing like choosing lettuce and light bulbs to stir the romantic embers. With a never-ending to-do list and the added responsibilities of a newborn, this dual-income couple found it increasingly difficult to nurture their relationship. Until Alice attended a group counseling session, discovering how to rejuvenate her marriage.
“I learned what brings me joy in my life,” says Alice, a marketing rep in Harrisburg, Pa., married six years. She requested her last name withheld to protect family privacy. “Both of us like to be outside,” Alice says of Bart while strolling recently with their 5-month-old son through their neighborhood. “We try to make time to be together where we’re not distracted” by errands or housework, she says. Long walks or road trips with a sleeping child in tow seem to do the trick. “It reminds me why we’re together.”
It’s no wonder marriages are pushed to the back burner when trying to manage children, a job, housework, financial strains and schedule overload. Unlike these other areas that vie for our attention, relationships tend to “quietly soldier on” until it’s too late, says James Córdova, director of the Marriage Checkup program at Clark University in Worcester, Mass.
That’s why even the most successful marriages need a relationship overhaul from time to time, according to psychologists and counselors interviewed for this story.
Here are a few marital issues cited by the experts and their suggested remedies:
Conflict: Where’s the Romance?
Resolution: Experience The Embrace
Hugs will never be the same after you’ve tried this mindful approach from Córdova, author of the new book, “The Marriage Checkup: A Scientific Program for Sustaining and Strengthening Marital Health.”
Enter the hug from a position that does not require straining, he says. “Breathe into the hug. Relax into the contact, turning your attention to the moment, the warmth, softness, pressure of contact. Allow an awareness of all the qualities of the moment. Walk through each of your senses. Experience the totality.”
Now stay this way for five minutes. “It’s quite a bit longer than most couples will hug,” Córdova admits. Rest assured, with regularity, the awkward barriers will disappear, “allowing a deeper, more embodied experience just to be with this unique person.”
“Our minds tend to want to rush off,” he says. “This is an opportunity to practice just being aware. It can be a real basis to foster intimacy.”
Hugging not your thing? Try a little eye contact to bolster your declarations of love, says Dr. Robert Moss, a clinical psychologist in Greenville, S.C. While words may be cheap, the nonverbal message is: “You are worth my time simply to gaze into your eyes and tell you.”
An eye statement tends to lessen the impact of many marital troubles, according to Marriage Counselor Ann Smith, of Reading, Pa. Greeting each other with the eyes should be the first priority upon entering the home after separation, she says. “Put it ahead of the mailbox and bills, even if only for two minutes to see the person you love. Then, when you open the bills, they do not seem so bad.”
Conflict: Who Has Time For a Date?
Resolution: Consider Bungee-Jumping
Undefined plans for a getaway or date next weekend or next month may never materialize, Córdova says. “We look for found time to grab in spare moments. Even though it seems simple, you have to make time because you are never going to find time.”
He recommends couples schedule regular, predictable time during which they can actively explore and experience the world, possibly try something neither one has done before. “They should practice a type of curiosity about each other and about the world.”
Couples who think they know everything about the spouse fail to understand that everyone is evolving, Córdova says. “If you’re bored with the person you are with it’s a sure sign you have stopped paying attention to ‘who the person I am with today is because certainly I’m not the same person as yesterday.’”
Every six months to a year couples should also plan a getaway so they don’t feel as helpless about their relationship and have something to look forward to, he says.
Conflict: Put Up Your Dukes
Resolution: It’s Called Communicating
If you know your spouse is frustrated about something, actively listen without trying to solve the issue, Moss says. You might address your partner: “If we can agree not to look for solutions, I can just to be there to hold you so you’re not alone, so I don’t have to feel like I want to escape.”
Anger is not necessarily a bad thing in a relationship, Córdova adds. Use dance lessons as an analogy for communication. “You are going to step on toes. If you say ‘ow’ and your partner does the same thing, naturally you learn to dance gracefully together.
You get to say ‘ow,’ that pissed me off, but you do not get to attack each other’s character.”
Conflict: The Thrill is Gone
Resolution: Attract A Crowd
Schedule gift deliveries several times a year when your partner least expects it, not just on Valentine’s Day, anniversaries or birthdays, says Moss, who latest self-help book offers marriage counseling, “For Better or For Worse: Am I in Love with a Giver or a Taker?”
“If your wife works, send it to her at work. Get in front of people a special surprise they will see. The attention from others activates positive feelings.”
On the other hand, be cautious about sending gifts as an apology, he warns. Like makeup sex, such gifts may subconsciously force your partner to start an argument to gain the reward.
Conflict: The Honey-Do List
Resolution: It Takes Two
Set aside problem-solving sessions twice a week for 45 minutes to an hour without distractions, Moss says. Take the phone off the hook, occupy the children and alternate presenting a problem, ensuring the listener understands the issue and agreed-upon solution. “If it’s two hours a week, you free up all the rest of the time to do positive things.”
Smith suggests finding a permanent location around your home, outside the bedroom and earshot of children, for face-to-face discussions. Ideally three to four times a week couples should meet here to debrief, away from whatever is bothering them, says Smith, executive director of Breakthrough at Caron, a nonprofit wellness program that helps break unhealthy life patterns.
JOIN US on Friday for PART TWO–How To Use Relationship Renovation Tips with your Co-Workers!

When the Mom and Pop of the Business Are Also Husband and Wife
Meet three MOMeo/DADeo Combinations
Marriage takes work. But what if your marriage IS your work? In other words, as the case with these married-couple entrepreneurs, what’s marriage and family life like when you own a business with your spouse?
There are multiple benefits to having a life partner who also is your business partner: never-ending together time, living with someone who completely understands your work life, and no worries about being fired. But reaping the benefits – and business success – takes time, effort, support and understanding between spouses, says Mary Ann Hardman.
Mary Ann, along with her husband William “Sonny” Hardman, owns and operates Persimmon Creek Vineyards in Clayton, Georgia. The 110-acre estate produces four varieties of wine, sold on site and in restaurants. The Hardmans also oversee three cottage retreats on the property.
“If you want your business and your marriage to work, you have to have great trust in one another,” says Mary Ann.
“You can’t feel you have to be tied at the hip. You can both do your jobs, do your thing, and have respect.”
All Hands Working
What works for the Hardmans, married 17 years, is a clear division of labor. Sonny, a full-time physician, owns his own dermatopathology practice 1 ½ hours south of the vineyard, in Athens, near the family home. He commutes every day to and from the vineyard to his lab, and on weekends, he handles much of Persimmon Creek’s manual labor.
Mary Ann lives at and runs the day-to-day operation of the business, including marketing. The couple’s sons – 11-year-old twins and a 15-year-old – also pitch in with gardening, trash pick-up and cutting grass.
Persimmon Creek is truly a family business, Mary Ann explains:
“It’s all hands working together,” she says, “you don’t do your children any favors by not including them.”
Sonny’s hands originally created the vineyard in 2000, when he planted 10 acres of grapes in North Georgia to cultivate his passion for grape-growing. Still living in Athens, Mary Ann focused on the boys, then toddlers. “My role at that point was just to wave out the door and say, `See ya later! Have fun planting,’” she recalls.
In 2002, they bottled their first wine. A year later, Mary Ann decided to try selling to local restaurants. Gradually, as the boys – and her marketing savvy – grew, Mary Ann became more involved in the wine business. Currently, she employs two full-time workers in the vineyard and has part-time help in the summer.
Today, the Hardmans are surrounded by the fruits of their labor – literally. The family’s home is on Persimmon Creek property.
“You have to have one goal in mind: success. And success is all about working,” says Mary Ann.
“I let Sonny do what he needs to do and he lets me do what I need to do. You have to be confident you’re both doing the right thing.”
Doing the Duty
When Brian and Michelle Lewis had their daughter in 2004, they felt cloth-diapering her was the right thing. A self-proclaimed environmentalist and political activist, Brian says cloth is better for the environment and healthier for baby:
“It was never a question…of course they would be in cloth [diapers].”
Many friends commented they, too, would choose cloth if there were a local diaper service. So, in early 2006, with a son on the way, the Lewises started Brian Lewis’ Diaper Duty, which delivers clean cloth diapers to customers in South Florida and picks up dirty ones. They introduced the service at holistic birthing centers and through parent groups throughout their community.
“We were quite surprised, without any advertising or promotion but just word of mouth,” says Brian, “there was a lot of interest.”
Currently, Brian Lewis’ Diaper Duty has 45 customers. He and Michelle also offer diapering seminars and plan to start carseat checks, and other parenting classes and groups. Brian continues his full-time job as a data networker for a telecommunications company. Michelle is an elementary school teacher. For them to quit their day jobs, Brian says, they need at least 150 customers and would hire out several duties, including washing.
Today, though, the couple pools responsibilities for the business and their two children, now ages 5 ½ and 3.
“We do what needs to be done at the time,” Brian explains, adding that they have a delivery driver. Brian handles customer and public relations while Michelle manages behind the scenes, website management and diaper washing. “The division of labor ebbs and flows,” he says. “It’s not as though we do a duty chart between us. It’s just `did this get done yet? OK, I’ve got it.’”
“(Work) has to be incorporated. When I’m wearing the diaper hat, we’re all a part of it,” he says. “We’re having our parent time, our couple time, while we’re doing Diaper Duty. If we were to have [work and family time] separated…we’d never see each other.”
The plan is for the Lewis children to eventually inherit the business.
“To have your own business and incorporate your family and raise your children to see your business grow into something in the world that has value,” says Brian, “is tremendous.”
By Their Design
Ten years ago, Stamford, Connecticut, businesswoman Fabienne Fredrickson started Client Attraction – an entrepreneurial coaching program and book series to help a mostly female clientele to recognize their value through growing their businesses. As she signed more clients and sold more books and other products, Fabienne realized it was time for a business partner. What better place to look than her own home?
Husband Derek, director at an investment bank, was increasingly dissatisfied with corporate life. So in summer 2008, he started working part-time with Fabienne on day-to-day operations of Client Attraction, including staff management and systems operation. The arrangement worked so well by that September, Derek quit his day job and joined his wife full-time as CEO.
“We’re both fully invested in the business,” he says. “We have double the implementation and speed to react to changes together. We control our income, our business, our life. We live our life by design.”
That life includes children ages 6 and 4, and a brand-new baby boy, born in August. To keep both the business and family successful, the Fredricksons rely on the support of a daily housekeeper and an au pair. The children also travel with their parents to Client Attraction events, workshops and speaking engagements, “so they can see Mommy and Daddy working together and feeling good spending time together,” Derek says. “Marriage and being together with our family is priority first. Business comes second.”
Unlike the Lewises, the Fredricksons have strict rules about not mixing family and business time:
“We close our desks every day at 5:30 p.m. – no exceptions.”
“We have end-of-day routines and transitions like walks, reading, or going to the gym. All of these are key [to maintaining balance].”
Though they separate work and marriage, owning a business together has strengthened their bond, according to Derek.
“We have a greater sense of respect and admiration for what each other brings to the business and how we learn from each other.”
Those, too, are some key traits to maintaining a successful mom-and-pop/husband-and-wife company, he says. “There is also an element of faith in being committed to making it work,” Derek explains. And, he adds, both in work and in marriage, “it doesn’t hurt to have a sense of adventure and creativity.”






